Can you rate my style of writing? *Short paragraph*? - Mustang Evolution

Go Back   Mustang Evolution > 4 Cylinder | V6 | Classic Mustangs || Tech and Talk > Classic Mustangs



Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Please support our sponsors and let them know you heard about them here!
Old 12-23-2011, 01:30 PM   #1
Registered User
Newbie
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 6
Can you rate my style of writing? *Short paragraph*?

Without a second thought, Danny jumped into the drivers seat of the old 1974 Mustang and sped away into the misty night. His troubled thoughts interrupted his concerntration and several times he veered towards the ditch beside the road. Hands trembling with fear, he knew he couldn't keep escaping the fate he'd been cursed with, but his options for survival were limited. His erratically pounding heart told him to stop running and face his destiny, but his mind commanded him to find yet another sanctuary where he could hide. Deep breaths of air drowning his lungs, he tried to steady his fragile nerves, but they resisted against his control. He had to make a life threatening decision: stop the vehicle and risk having his life taken, or remain driving until he crashed.
Luthais is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 12-23-2011, 02:00 PM   #2
Registered Member
Regular
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 44
Can you rate my style of writing? *Short paragraph*?

It is a very good style, very descriptive.

It gets a little too wordy in some places.

For example, "but they resisted against his control", could be just "but they resisted." If they are resisting, of course it is against his control.

Or "ditch beside the road" could be just "ditch." It is implied already that the ditch is beside the road.

You do show a definite way with words, though.

I would just edit out the unnecessary words and phrases.

Keep on writing!
fearghall is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2011, 02:35 PM   #3
Registered Member
Regular
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 38
Can you rate my style of writing? *Short paragraph*?

7.9/10 Very talented, and your writing style is this what i call "clipped", short sentences, descriptive words.
esra is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 12-23-2011, 03:00 PM   #4
Registered User
Newbie
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 9
Can you rate my style of writing? *Short paragraph*?

Nice job! Very dramatic.
Keep writing, you'll go far!
moketaveto is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2011, 03:57 PM   #5
Registered Member
Regular
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 50
Can you rate my style of writing? *Short paragraph*?

I like it! there is one thing though... lungs cant drown with air. You could write "frantic breaths pumped his lungs" pr something... Id give you a seven from ten!
h¡varr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2011, 04:37 PM   #6
Registered User
Newbie
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 9
Can you rate my style of writing? *Short paragraph*?

Great paragraph it really pulls you in!
carne is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2011, 04:52 PM   #7
Registered Member
Regular
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 39
Can you rate my style of writing? *Short paragraph*?

That is an awesome short story 10 out of 10!! Nice vivid detail and plot WOW!!!
napier29 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2011, 05:00 PM   #8
Registered Member
Regular
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 38
Can you rate my style of writing? *Short paragraph*?

it's really good!
hamdi is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Lower Navigation
Go Back   Mustang Evolution > 4 Cylinder | V6 | Classic Mustangs || Tech and Talk > Classic Mustangs

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


» Like Us On Facebook



09:06 PM


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0

MustangEvolution.com is in no way associated with or endorsed by Ford Motor Company.