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Old 03-02-2010, 07:15 AM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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Is my creative writing story off to a good start?

For language arts we have to write a book. yep a book. It has to be at least 8 chapters long and have either a prelude or an epilogue. Does my epilogue sound ok?
The book is based off of a real story nd a real friend.

It was late summer - July 29th I think. The sky was a paisley orange and the clouds were the fluffiest i'd seen all month.
You could tell it would be nightfall soon as the sun peaked through the balls of fluff.
My hair was in a messy pony tail and my flipflops were falling apart, but that was the least of my concerns.

All that i could think about was him.
What was so appealing in Tommy Louis? His dark caramel hair? Or maybe it was his eyes. Oh yes, his eyes. The dark green eyes that light up my world
the passed two months of summer. We'd known eachother since third grade, and we had always been some-what friends.

He would be the guy i hung out with during recess. While the other girls were running off being chased by the dirty, cootie possesed boys, We hung
out by the fence; Listening to the wind, and catching the bugs. We'd talk about anything and everything, being ourselves. Tommy was my best friend.
For the first 3 months, our relationship blossomed, that is, until Brian came along. Brian - My first boyfriend. He was a more "popular" boy then Tommy.
And on top of that, Brian's family knew my mom. Well sixth grade came along and Brian moved away, thus ending my long relationship.
Then the class list for grade six were posted, Tommy and i were in
the same class. That's when we began to connect again: Thus catching you and I up; The summer before eigth grade.

I gave the brown gate in my yard a huge push as it scraped the sidewalk. My hands were sweaty and my legs were hot as i trotted down the block to Tommy's
house. I had a warm bottle of Dr. Pepper in my old backback, along with a dictionary and a few quarters in case the ice cream truck happend to ride by.

The air was hot, and very salty. I could still feel part of the sun's rays heating my skin. I licked my lips rid the smell of chlorine from my Uncle Jerry's
swimming pool. I had went and took a quick dip earlier that day. That's the best part about summer time - swimming. The way the water runs down you and the
cold liquid sufficates your body gives you a rush of excitment and keeps you craving more. I just feel free and careless when I hit the water and I love the
way the smell of the cleansed water lingers with you.

As I walked, I started to hear the songs of the crickets. I closed my eyes for just a moment and tried to think of what I was going to say to Tommy.
That I was in love with him? No, that wouldn't work.

Cars passed by me, many teenagers driving their "Sweet 16" convertibles and mustangs. They were
so lucky. I couldn't wait to be able to drive. I thought to myself, "Three more years, Cassie. And then that will be you."

The walk to Tommy's house was for the most part always relaxing during the evening. Besides the occasional immature boys who honk their horns
and shout crude thinks, it was a pretty invatational trip. He lived only 3 blocks away from my house and was always happy for me to come over.
After all, I was his best friend as he was mine.

I remember approaching my destination; the faded yellow house. It was an old house, this anyone could tell. It had large white shutters and the screen
door had a rip in it. Other than that the house was like a dream house. It was really large because of his big family. Tommy had 3 brothers and a sister.
He lived with his mom, Sylvia and his step dad, Paul. Tommy's brothers were 14, 6 and 2. Barney, Matthew and Johnothan were their names.
And his sister, Megan was 7. Since Tommy's family was large, his house was aswell. It had 9 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms. I would probably get lost if I
venture out into his home. then again - Maybe not?

I could see Tommy on the patio swing, swaying with the breeze. He had in his hands what appeard to be some old comic book. What a nerd.
I could see his smirk as i approached. My heart started to pound, and my face began to grow warm. He waved and I, of course,
waved back. Tommy began to rush down the side walk, straying away from his porch.
We met halfway and he ask, "What's that smell?" plugging his nose.
"Your Mom." I answered, offended. I was quite fond of the smell of fresh chlorine.
"I know, you went swimming," He lightly pushed my shoulder to inform me of his joke and invited me inside the monster home.
His mom was sitting on the couch watching Jerry Springer when I followed Tommy through the house.

We made our way upstairs. Ok now I know what you're thinking. But we only thought of each other as friends. It was like a girl-with-a-gay best friend
relationship. Or atleast thats what he thought of us. He sat down on his bed as i plopped onto his bean bag as he tossed me the remote to his 20th century
piece of crap that he called a TV. It was always in black and w

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Old 03-02-2010, 07:47 AM   #2
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 29
Is my creative writing story off to a good start?

i think you are off to a pretty good start, i personally would just change the first paragraph/line to a less typical beggining, simply stating the place and time and even the excact date, try using a more abstract way of getting the point across, through dialogue, action or the character's feelings. For example, the lead "the summer breeze crept through the trees" would get the point across that it was summer, without the author having to actually say, "it was july 29th."
aescleah29 is offline   Reply With Quote

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