What do you think of the story intro I wrote? Not that long, please read!? - Mustang Evolution

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Old 03-20-2010, 07:00 AM   #1
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What do you think of the story intro I wrote? Not that long, please read!?

My old, red mustang made a strange clicking noise as it came to a stop. For a moment, I sat silently, debating whether or not to get out. It was still relatively light out, making it easy for me to see the menacing little road before me. The street sign had turned red and brown from all the rust, and for some reason it was the onlyone in the area to be that old and rusted. At first glance, it looks like the road is called 'Glen Spook' which is really ironic.
Back in the day, about 20, maybe 30 years ago, Glen Brook (which is the streets actual name) was very popular. Its a small little dead end, with only two houses actually living on it, which makes it a nice, quiet, and relaxing fishing spot. At the end, through some woods, the Glen River is accesable. Being such a beautiful spot, it became popular amongst tadpole-catching children, lusty teenagers, and elderly fishermen. But a wild incident made the spot a key part of conversation.
A small girl, named Gabrielle had died there. After a brutal murder, the killer had decided to shove her body between rocks next to the riveras a sick joke. My Mama fondly remembersGabrielle, in fact, they were friends.
But, nowadays peopleavoidthe spot.
Kennedy, my best friend had already gotten out of the car by the time I did.
"Scary, isn't it?" she turned to me as soon as I got out. She could probably see the fear on my face.
"Absolutely terrifying," I admitted. She chuckled heartily at my comment and began walking towards the street.
"Kenz, no way your going down there alone," I barked at her, clinging closely to my car.
"Then come with me. I just want to see what were working with here. I mean, if you want to see this project through, you'll have to go back there," she pointed out, glancing at me to watch my face fall in defeat.
Our plan would be in progress in just a few days, and I still couldn't actually go back there. That would be a huge problem, since we were planning on spending the night in the haunted 'Glen Spook'.
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Old 03-20-2010, 07:46 AM   #2
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What do you think of the story intro I wrote? Not that long, please read!?

I like it - but it sounds as if the character has a small sense of humor. Don't get me wrong I like it but I would change "...is called 'Glen Spook' which is really ironic." I would change it to "...is called Glen Spook. Huh. Ironic."

It's a nice intro, very descriptive.
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Old 03-20-2010, 07:55 AM   #3
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What do you think of the story intro I wrote? Not that long, please read!?

I love it, but i agree with the first answer, and um, since 'kenz' is so brave, make her first to die
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