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Old 04-05-2010, 10:15 PM   #1
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This is what I have so far. What do you think?

This is part of chapter one of my novel. Riding It Out.

Background- Kendall Rose Harlot is not known for her patient manner but she was known as Bobby 'Ice' Harlots daughter. Ice is known as The Black Crows, an outlaw motorcycle gang, president. Kendall Rose left her small town in Maine along with the reputation that it carried shortly after her mothers gang related death five years ago for college in New York City. When her quick temper and bad timing get her in trouble with the wrong people she has no where to go but home. When she returns home she realizes that nothing has changed including the chemistry with Rocky, her childhood best friend. When her NYC trouble catches up to her the life she has been running from for years might be the only thing that can save her...

Chapter One-
It’s been five years since her mother’s death. They say time heals all wounds but that was a load of bull. For Kendall Rose Hardy time hadn’t healed her wounds she could still feel them every time she breathed or every night when she closed her eyes she heard the gun and saw her mother laying on the living room floor covered with blood. It was like having the same nightmare all over again but it wasn’t a nightmare it was all too real for Kendall.

“Kendall, hello, are you there?” Stacy waved her hands dramatically in front of Kendall’s face.

“Yeah, sorry, what do you need?” Kendall snapped out of the daze she had been in all day.

“Could you set up the display with the new books?” Stacy was her boss and her best friend. She was thirty-four, ten years older then Kendall. She was petite and short but feisty. Her short sandy brown hair cut into a perfect bob that fitted her round face perfectly. Stacy had big brown loving eyes but an attitude that says mess with me and pay. Kendall had seen a few people pay and it wasn’t a pretty sight.

“Yeah, sure.” Kendall was walking toward the storage room when Stacy grabbed her arm.

“What’s up with you today? You’ve been somewhere else all day.” Stacy asked in thick New York accent with concern in her eyes.

“I’m fine. I’m having an off day that’s all.” Kendall placed a weak fake smile n her face.

Stacy stared at her for a minute and let her go. That was the great thing about Stacy she didn’t press for more information if you didn’t want to tell. Kendall met her two years ago when Stacy hired Kendall at her small book store she owned. It wasn’t much but it was hers and it helped Kendall pay her bills. Even though Stacy was Kendall’s best friend she didn’t know the real reason Kendall’s mother died. No one did here in New York City Kendall left that live along time ago in her small town in Maine…

Five Years Earlier in Grapevine, Maine

“I can’t believe my little girl just graduated high school. I feel so old but so proud!” Rose stared at her baby with tears in her eyes.

“I know! It’s so weird. I feel all grown up finally.” Kendall stood in her living room still in shock.

“Don’t wish your life away, baby. In a few years you’ll be dying to be kid again.” Rose knew it all to well. Time had flown by. It seemed like yesterday Kendall was born.
“I doubt I will feel that anytime soon. Besides won’t you be glad to get your last kid out of the house. You and Dad will have it all to yourselves.” Kendall was half way laughing at Rose for being so dramatic.

“Go ahead laugh it up but in a few years you’ll see I’m right.” Rose smiled at her daughter. What a beautiful girl, no young lady, and to think she had made her. Kendall looked so much like Rose. They shared the same auburn hair with rings of uncontrollable curls. Rose eyes were bright baby blue but Kendall had amazing eyes that were filled with blues and greens. Both women had a slim figure with long legs that ran on for miles it seemed. Rose had much more wrinkles then Kendall but for fifty she looked great. They had this amazing smile that could light up all of Maine if caught on a good day but a temper so hot that it could burn all of Maine if caught on a bad day. Each had skin of an angel soft and almost porcelain white but it made both of them look so vibrant.

“Stop staring at me Mom. You’re starting to creep me out.” Kendall said mockingly with a playful smile.

“I can’t help it your so beautiful but mean.” Rose knew just where she got that mean streak she thought as she got out the food for the party that was soon to begin.

“Genetics were good to me.” Kendall was lucky, she thought. Life couldn’t get any better.

“Your Father and Sammy should be here soon with your surprise.” Rose’s eye lit up as she thought about the old Mustang that Ice, her husband and Sammy her oldest had been working on for months.

“I can’t wait!” Kendall squealed while helping her mother get ready for her grad party.

They lived in a two story middle class home that fitted them perfectly, four bedrooms, full kitchen and living room and dining room. It was homey. Rose had spen

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Old 04-05-2010, 10:51 PM   #2
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This is what I have so far. What do you think?

I think it is a bit too descriptive. The way you have described the characters doesn't let the reader in with their own imagination.

Seems ok though - it reminds me of another writer, but I cannot remember who.

Just keep going and then edit it and come back and ask us all again
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