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Old 12-01-2004, 09:31 PM   #1
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more jokes

as the name states:
DR. PHIL WAS CONDUCTING A GROUP THERAPY SESSION WITH FOUR YOUNG MOTHERS AND THEIR SMALL CHILDREN.
"YOU ALL HAVE OBSESSIONS, " HE OBSERVED.TO THE FIRST MOTHER, HE SAID, "YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH EATING. YOU'VE EVEN NAMED YOUR DAUGHTER CANDY."
HE TURNED TO THE SECOND MOM. "YOUR OBSESSION IS WITH MONEY. AGAIN, IT MANIFESTS ITSELF IN YOUR CHILD'S NAME, PENNY."
HE TURNS TO THE THIRD MOM. "YOUR OBSESSION IS ALCOHOL. THIS, TOO,
MANIFESTS ITSELF IN YOUR CHILD'S NAME, BRANDY."
AT THIS POINT, THE FOURTH MOTHER GETS UP TAKES HER LITTLE BOY BY THE HAND AND WHISPERS, "COME ON DICK, WE'RE LEAVING."

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
frigid, fat mom, who rides his *** constantly? It's time to give up that
dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build
yourself a family with those?
Santa

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the ****s and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.
Santa

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China Every year I give
them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas,
where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by
drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses
while losing money at the craps table.
Santa

P.S.

Tell your mom she got the part.

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping
your house.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging **** may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't
work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
Santa

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ***
kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just
like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa
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Old 12-01-2004, 09:43 PM   #2
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wow santa is starting to act like an *******
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Old 12-01-2004, 09:51 PM   #3
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I think it's the Jim Bean
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Old 12-01-2004, 10:38 PM   #4
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I love this one
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping
your house.
Santa
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clint Eastwood
Michael Moore and I actually have a lot in common - we both appreciate living in a country where there's free expression, but Michael, if you ever show up at my front door with a camera - I'll kill you.
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Old 12-01-2004, 11:39 PM   #5
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Old 12-02-2004, 06:03 AM   #6
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santa rocks
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SpectorV
You forget a stock mustang has the same ground clearence as a 4x4 f150...
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Old 12-04-2004, 11:08 AM   #7
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woot
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Old 12-04-2004, 11:24 AM   #8
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I now see where you got that quote the other night Jimmy
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Old 12-04-2004, 12:40 PM   #9
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that farkin rocks!

"You're getting an ugly sweater again. "
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