my mom is trying to ruin me *rant* - Mustang Evolution

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Old 12-02-2004, 08:03 AM   #1
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my mom is trying to ruin me *rant*

i'm serious. when i moved down here to TN in 2002 i had perfect AAA+ credit (that's the best you can have). now i barely score a 450 (pure ****e) ...i've had my job at nissan for a year and i'm only now starting to get caught up. when i moved here i took out credit cards in my name to help my mom out. well, she charged them all to the limit within the first 6 months.. then she stopped making payments on all of them... at the time i was working at burger king, every cent i didn't need for bills, i gave to her... all said, the credit debt is around $4000 (that's **** SHE charged. everything i've bought for myself is paid off. i don't spend money until i have a safety net)

enter october 2003. got the job at nissan. good money, lots of hours... guess who starts asking me for money... you guessed it.. mother dearest. i mean, i'm not a slouch. i pay $300 a month rent, and i buy my own food... so from october 2003 through january 2004 i give her about $2000. that's over 6 month's rent. fine i say, but i'm not doing this any more... yea, so i thought... over the next 6 months i give her another $3000... in my opinion, this is above and beyond the ****ing call of duty. i have her $4000 credit debt in MY name (stupid of me) and $5000 cash in 9 months... and in the last month, she's come to me for MORE MONEY! i gave her $200 last week and another hundred this week. and says she'll need another $300 before new years

I AM SO SICK OF THIS BULL****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i don't think i'm ever gonna get paid back either. my mom can not stop herself from spending money on worthless ****. you'd think after living with my dad for 18 years she'd know how to save, but no. she spends money like it grows on trees. MY MONEY! AND I'M SICK OF IT!!!

anyone have any advise for me?
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Old 12-02-2004, 08:04 AM   #2
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oh, AND i have a $7000 college loan in repay status. thankfully though, i've managed to keep this one current, at a very good interest rate (3.5%)
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Old 12-02-2004, 08:48 AM   #3
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450 credit score? Ouch, you're going to spend years digging out of this even after you pay down the balances.
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Old 12-02-2004, 08:58 AM   #4
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i know on the plus side. if i don't have to lend her any more, i can have the credit debt paid in full by april

but i know i'll have to lend her more
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Old 12-02-2004, 09:03 AM   #5
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do you live with her? i say move out
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Old 12-02-2004, 09:04 AM   #6
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even with lending her money, i'm still paying less than if i had my own place

pretty sad... maybe if i could get a roommate
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Old 12-02-2004, 09:05 AM   #7
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plus i really need to have my credit debt paid off before i move out. otherwise i won't be able to get a first time renter's apartment
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Old 12-02-2004, 09:08 AM   #8
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The derogatory remarks on your credit report don't go away as quickly as you can get rid of debt. I think they can stay on for 5 or more years.
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Old 12-02-2004, 09:22 AM   #9
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Well, you might think your are helping her by giving her the money, but it seems to me that she has a problem. By giving her the $$, you are just contributing to her problem. Next time she asks you for money ask her what she needs. If you determine it is a legitimate need, then you buy it for her instead of giving her the cash. The only way to get her and yourself out of this problem is to cut her off. I love my mother, and I'm sure you do to. It will be hard to be tough on her, but some times love is tough. I read somewhere that compulsive shoppers are just trying to fill a void in their lives, try talking to her. Let her know what is bodering you and how what she is doing is affecting you.

This are just my opinions.
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Old 12-02-2004, 10:44 AM   #10
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Is she on Drugs? jk I say move out and let her know why... You are the child not her. It is time you both stood on your own two feet...
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Old 12-02-2004, 10:58 AM   #11
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Ah, I always look at "loans" to family members in this light.

I see it as a gift, if I can't afford to give the money away or I expect to actually get paid back I do not "loan" it out (to anyone). As for affording your own place, looks like you've forked over more than $10k in the time since this all started. $10k/yr pays for a killer apartment.

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Old 12-02-2004, 11:53 AM   #12
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get a roomate or two and move out.
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Old 12-02-2004, 11:55 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrshoss97V6
Is she on Drugs? jk I say move out and let her know why... You are the child not her. It is time you both stood on your own two feet...
:stupid:

You do not talk about people's mothers like that, not even when kidding.
You cannot just walk out on your mother. Have you no idea of all the sacrifices a mother makes troughout the life of her child? If she is in trouble she does not deserve to be left behind by her son. And besides a problem is not fixed by walking away from it, a problem has to be dealt with or it will never go away.
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Old 12-02-2004, 12:29 PM   #14
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I work for a bank and we go though training every year... if you cant steal/rip off family you cant do it to anyone.... and 99.999999% of all crap like you said is due to familiy which in your case is still true.....

Did you know that this was going to happen or not? I hope you didnt put them in your name alone and then just give them to her?.... there may be legal action you can take and I would if she does that to you then you should not feel bad about putting it back right.
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Old 12-02-2004, 12:38 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by V6STANG007
:stupid:

You do not talk about people's mothers like that, not even when kidding.
You cannot just walk out on your mother. Have you no idea of all the sacrifices a mother makes troughout the life of her child? If she is in trouble she does not deserve to be left behind by her son. And besides a problem is not fixed by walking away from it, a problem has to be dealt with or it will never go away.
how is that stupid? it's a good question.

if money is dissapearing that fast, than there's definately a problem. many people live "double lives". you may not think it, but some people can have habits such as drugs or gambling that cost their family a lot of money.

anyways, i do think that you have the best advice so far... if he absolutely has to give his mother money, he should make sure that it will be going to something she really needs.
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Old 12-02-2004, 12:47 PM   #16
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So whats your dad doing during all this? They are still together I take it?
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Old 12-02-2004, 12:50 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chips
how is that stupid? it's a good question.

if money is dissapearing that fast, than there's definately a problem. many people live "double lives". you may not think it, but some people can have habits such as drugs or gambling that cost their family a lot of money.
....
I'm not going to argue with u on that one. It is clear there is a problem. I just think people should use a little more tact when referring to other people's mothers that is all. I know he did not use any offensive language, I just don't think u come out and say "is your mother on drugs?" straight out. anyway, just my opinion.
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Old 12-02-2004, 03:42 PM   #18
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some times, people need to buy things to fill a void in their life... if I may ask, what does she buy? Dr. Phil suggested making this one guy give away the little toys he'd buy on eBay. He had about 15,000 little toys. Stuff like hot wheels.... was a complete collection, sad he gave it away, I would've sold it. Anyway. I don't think the problem is with the money, she's using the money to get a fix. It's not so much that she doesn't have enough money to get by, it's that she needs to buy stuff to feel better about herself. She gets the little high when she purchases something, and that's the problem. If you get her on the fix of her family, it should get better. I'd make sure I knew what she needed before giving her money though. If it's for milk... then you buy the milk. Don't give her any more money. You can buy stuff for her, if they're truly needed things. But you shouldn't be doing stuff like buying her clothes, or anything like that. I don't lend money out to my mom, because she doesn't pay it back. She owes me over $300 that I've lent to her, but I'll never see it back, and I know that... but she needed it. My dad, on the other hand, will pay me back. Right now, he owes me like $250 in truck parts for his truck. I didn't even ask him to write me a check, I just put it on my debit card, and told him how much he owed me. I'm not worried about getting it back. But yeah
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Old 12-02-2004, 03:58 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jimmy_beaner
some times, people need to buy things to fill a void in their life... if I may ask, what does she buy? Dr. Phil suggested making this one guy give away the little toys he'd buy on eBay. He had about 15,000 little toys. Stuff like hot wheels.... was a complete collection, sad he gave it away, I would've sold it. Anyway. I don't think the problem is with the money, she's using the money to get a fix. It's not so much that she doesn't have enough money to get by, it's that she needs to buy stuff to feel better about herself. She gets the little high when she purchases something, and that's the problem. If you get her on the fix of her family, it should get better. I'd make sure I knew what she needed before giving her money though. If it's for milk... then you buy the milk. Don't give her any more money. You can buy stuff for her, if they're truly needed things. But you shouldn't be doing stuff like buying her clothes, or anything like that. I don't lend money out to my mom, because she doesn't pay it back. She owes me over $300 that I've lent to her, but I'll never see it back, and I know that... but she needed it. My dad, on the other hand, will pay me back. Right now, he owes me like $250 in truck parts for his truck. I didn't even ask him to write me a check, I just put it on my debit card, and told him how much he owed me. I'm not worried about getting it back. But yeah

Sort of off topic, but... DR. PHIL IS AN IDIOT!
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Old 12-02-2004, 04:06 PM   #20
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that isn't off topic at all man, maybe you should re-read it, and re-read what he's talking about. The guy on Dr. Phil was spending a lot of money.... (on toys)... and his mom is spending a lot of money.... one what we don't know... but apparently just stupid stuff. Let's see, both were spending a lot of money, that's right on topic. And his mom isn't gonna pay him back... my mom doesn't pay me back, that's the same. Yet I show that I will lend money to family that will pay it back... just to show I'm not an *******... it's on target
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Old 12-02-2004, 04:55 PM   #21
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I don't think Nick was referring that you were off topic. He was saying that what he was gonna say about Dr. Phil was sort of off topic.

But that's just how I read it....
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Old 12-02-2004, 05:40 PM   #22
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just stop giving her money, easy as that
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Old 12-02-2004, 05:47 PM   #23
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just stop giving her money, easy as that
its not that easy, cause he doesnt want to see his mother suffer... no one wants to see loved ones having a hard time.

Id just recommend doing what someone else suggested... be a moderator on what she buys. If she wants money, ask what its for. You may even want to go as far as going and buying what she needs FOR HER to be sure that the money is being spent on what you intend it to be spent on. I would suggest cutting down on the amount of money you give her, and defanitely get your credit cards back from her and dont put more on credit for a while. Good luck with it all man.
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Old 12-02-2004, 08:16 PM   #24
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What it boils down to is you can not let her keeping doing this man. If she has a problem with handeling her finances she needs to get help. You cant just be handing her money like that. I can imagine you dont want to hurt your mom but something has to be done... you got to live your life to man
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Old 12-02-2004, 08:24 PM   #25
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Money is always an issue that will mess up any relationship. That is why I refuse to lend money to close friends or family, because I hate trying to get people to settle up. Sure, I could go through and make a killing loaning money to people, but money just seems to break people apart. My parents started putting the fact that they made a few payments on my car over my head to hold me home and I wrote them a check and high tailed it out of there.
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Old 12-02-2004, 08:59 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by WhiteStang99
Sort of off topic, but... DR. PHIL IS AN IDIOT!

:wstupid:
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Old 12-02-2004, 09:01 PM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackStang99
I don't think Nick was referring that you were off topic. He was saying that what he was gonna say about Dr. Phil was sort of off topic.

But that's just how I read it....
That how I read it too...and you know him better than anyone else on this site, so I agree with you lol
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Old 12-02-2004, 11:08 PM   #28
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That how I read it too...and you know him better than anyone else on this site, so I agree with you lol
Haha. Yes, I do.
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Old 12-03-2004, 12:19 AM   #29
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Yeah, she does. And she's right. And Jimmy, YOU were off target with that post. Stop thinking everybody is out to get you man. Chill out.
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