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Old 05-12-2005, 07:24 PM   #1
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if any of these describe you, then you're a redneck

but its cool, i'm guilty on a few of these (they are bolded) :

You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.

There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

Fewer than half of your cars run.

The primary color of your car is "bondo".

You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.

You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

Your family tree doesn't fork.

Your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.

You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.

Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.

You've ever used lard in bed.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.

The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.

Your brother-in-law is your uncle.

Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.

The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.

You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.

You prominently display a gifts bought at Graceland.

You use the term `over yonder' more than twice a week.

The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".

Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

You think that Don Perignon is a Mafia leader.

The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you looking at, ****head?"

You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.

You've ever used a weed eater indoors. (long story)

You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).

You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'.

You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels.

You've ever financed a tattoo.

You go to your family reunion to meet women.

Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six-pack.

You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.

You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.

Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

You think that the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

You've been too drunk to fish.

You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".

You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.

You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.

Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people".

Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to "Georgia on My Mind".

You call your boss "Buddy", on a regular basis.

You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

After making love you ask your date to roll down the window.

The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.

Someone in your family says "Cum'n here an' lookit this afore I flush it."

Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.

If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.

Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.

You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.

You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions. (ya know, like weddings and stuff)

You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again. (b/c it will, muhahahah)

You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.

You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".

You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.

You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

You think the Mountain Men in deliverance were just "Misunderstood".

You've ever made change in the offering plate.

If the fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year".

You consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve...

You own at least 20 baseball hats. (i own like 15, but only wear 2---and not often)

You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.

You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank!

Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them.

You have 5 cars that are immobile and a house that isn't!

Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end".

Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

You'd rather catch bass than get some *****

You have a Hefty bag for a Car/Truck convertible top.

You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.

You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.

You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.

You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.

There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

The theme song at your high school prom was `Friends in Low Places'.

It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

Your idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"

Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job, primer red and primer gray.

The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.

Ya have to check in the bottom yer shoe for change so you can get grandma a new plug of tobacco.

Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle.

Ya can't get married to your sweetheart cause there is a law against it.

You celebrate groundhog day (cause ya believe in it!!)

You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!

Helping your cousin, Billy-Bob, move into his new place consists of taking the wheels off his doublewide.

Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

You wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.

Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

"Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.

Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.

You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.

You're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You".

Dolly Parton reminds you of the `Grand Tetons'.

Your Momma would rather go to the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.

The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.

You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

You've ever hit a deer with your car... on purpose!
(not me, some friends)

You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.

You've ever parked a Camaro in a tree.

Your dad is also your favorite uncle.

You own more than three shirts with the sleeves cut off.

You've ever yelled "Rock the house Bubba!" during a piano recital. (but only b/c it was a bet)
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Old 05-12-2005, 07:26 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 04stang

The primary color of your car is "bondo".
that seems more rice than redneck
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Old 05-12-2005, 07:54 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by red herring
that seems more rice than redneck
bondo has nothing to do with rice. I usually use aluminum filler instead of bondo, but unless you are ****ing amazing with metal, you're gonna have to use filler. Boyd Coddington uses body filler, anyone that does body work uses body filler. its not rice.
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Old 05-12-2005, 08:19 PM   #4
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Quote:
You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
:yup: k:
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Old 05-12-2005, 08:25 PM   #5
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Leaving bondo the color it normally is, with no intent to paint it, is.
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Old 05-12-2005, 08:40 PM   #6
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lol, if you dont atleast inted on priming it then that is rice i guess
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Old 05-12-2005, 08:42 PM   #7
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primer=rice
bondo=redneck

if you dont agree with me............then you're wrong
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Old 05-12-2005, 08:53 PM   #8
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uhm my cars primer...dont need paint to go fast..so yeh u are wrong
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Old 05-12-2005, 08:55 PM   #9
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wtf did you weedwack indoors?

I know you said its a long story.. but we have time enough to read it..
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Old 05-12-2005, 08:59 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bane-
uhm my cars primer...dont need paint to go fast..so yeh u are wrong
do you drive that car everyday?
if not, then its different. its a project car that is parked to be worked on. and not drivin around everyday sporting the primer paintjob. thats all i was getting at.
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Old 05-12-2005, 09:01 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonteCitan
wtf did you weedwack indoors?

I know you said its a long story.. but we have time enough to read it..

dude, them indoor plants were gettin outta control, so i had to fix it. and one night drinkin, i took care of it.
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Old 05-12-2005, 09:05 PM   #12
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yeah okay, that's a long story..
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Old 05-12-2005, 09:08 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by MonteCitan
yeah okay, that's a long story..
basically, thats what happened. you wanted to know and i told you
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Old 05-12-2005, 10:37 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by fast64
but unless you are ****ing amazing with metal, you're gonna have to use filler.

Or lead, which is real old school. I think bondo is older than me.

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Old 05-12-2005, 11:21 PM   #15
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ive never tried using lead, i wonder how hard it is, i ussually use fiberglass reinforced body filler (kitty hairs)
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Old 05-12-2005, 11:37 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 04stang
do you drive that car everyday?
if not, then its different. its a project car that is parked to be worked on. and not drivin around everyday sporting the primer paintjob. thats all i was getting at.
A project car unpainted is definitely different. The first thing that came to my mind was just that civic/vette from a while back
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Old 05-13-2005, 08:46 AM   #17
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phew.. looks like im good except for all the ones about alcohol.
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Old 05-13-2005, 10:11 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ponycarman
Or lead, which is real old school. I think bondo is older than me.

Steve
I prefer aluminum over lead, it withstands heat better (safe to use in your engine bay) but it is expensive. A can of aluminum the size of a $5 can of bondo is $25.

And as soon as I get my car to start up consistenly, I am driving that **** everyday, I don't care how many colors it is. You can call the primered taillight panel rice all you want.
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Old 05-13-2005, 10:18 AM   #19
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gotta love foxworthy
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Old 05-13-2005, 10:25 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fast64
I prefer aluminum over lead, it withstands heat better (safe to use in your engine bay) but it is expensive. A can of aluminum the size of a $5 can of bondo is $25.

And as soon as I get my car to start up consistenly, I am driving that **** everyday, I don't care how many colors it is. You can call the primered taillight panel rice all you want.
hell a good can of body filler is more than 25 bucks, i only use rage gold and its the best its like 30 buck a gallon. the bondo brand sucks, it tends to shrink in the winter, ever shave door handles and put bondo? in the winter you see the indentation.
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Old 05-13-2005, 10:28 AM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 04stang
do you drive that car everyday?
if not, then its different. its a project car that is parked to be worked on. and not drivin around everyday sporting the primer paintjob. thats all i was getting at.
drove it almost everyday...i dont mind sporting the primer, looks better then half the other cars on the road in ugly *** colors..like baby **** green lol. why would i just park it anyway? yeh its a project..but it runs great..and it has tags and insurance..im not gonna pay for it to not drive it, just dont make sense.
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Old 05-13-2005, 10:32 AM   #22
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bondos not rice you ****ing tards
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Old 05-13-2005, 10:33 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 232stang
hell a good can of body filler is more than 25 bucks, i only use rage gold and its the best its like 30 buck a gallon. the bondo brand sucks, it tends to shrink in the winter, ever shave door handles and put bondo? in the winter you see the indentation.
i'm talking the little cans (like a pint or a quart or whatever they are)
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Old 05-14-2005, 04:48 AM   #24
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Aluminum expoxy filler is a sight different than lead and it works a lot differently, not to mention lead is potentially more hazardous if you are stoopid.

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Old 05-14-2005, 07:21 AM   #25
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You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures. -yep thats me

You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions -one of my OU hats. its the clean one

You own at least 20 baseball hats -more like 30ish

You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head -im working on it

You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education. -when it comes to college yep

guess Alabama rubbed off on me...well maybe not, growing up in San Antonio didnt help me any
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Old 05-14-2005, 08:24 AM   #26
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Haha....I can take after most of those...and I just bought a new hat yesterday... for the wedding I'm going to today lol
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Old 05-14-2005, 08:44 AM   #27
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bad thing about my current place im at...i am not allowed to wear my ball caps....this is killing me not wearing my hat.
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Old 05-14-2005, 09:25 AM   #28
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You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.
You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event....yea thats kinda of a weird story...yea....don't want to talk about it
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Old 05-14-2005, 09:36 AM   #29
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Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event....yea thats kinda of a weird story...yea....don't want to talk about it

that one reminds me of the south park episode where randy (stan's dad) is fighting all the little league dads from the other teams at every single game they play.........that was great

"oh, i'm sorry, i thought this was am'rica. i thought i was livin in am'rica. i thought this was a free country........"
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Old 05-14-2005, 10:39 AM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 04stang
that one reminds me of the south park episode where randy (stan's dad) is fighting all the little league dads from the other teams at every single game they play.........that was great

"oh, i'm sorry, i thought this was am'rica. i thought i was livin in am'rica. i thought this was a free country........"
"come on, watcha wanna do? watcha wanna do? lets go"
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Old 05-14-2005, 10:40 AM   #31
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"come on, watcha wanna do? watcha wanna do? lets go"

"i'm standing right here. how ya gonna handle it....."
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Old 05-14-2005, 11:37 AM   #32
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lol i love that episode... where the kids work on getting better at losing, what a great show
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Old 05-14-2005, 11:40 AM   #33
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thats got to be one of the funnier ones of the new season imo
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