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Old 05-15-2005, 07:16 PM   #1
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Male Code of Ethics

1. Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolat.

2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call B.S. (Exception: When trying to pick up a woman, the allowable exaggeration rate
rises to 400 percent.)

7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits with out his permission

8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is five minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

9. *****ing about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional.

11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up together, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

12. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return, is required to grant it.

13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem --- you didn't see nothin'.

15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

17. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy's girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her gal pal's significant others --- low-level sports bonding is all the law requires.

18. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

19. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiny friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.

20. It is permissible to consume a fruity drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach...and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

21. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

22. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

23. If a buddy is outnumbered, outmanned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ***-whoopin'." Then you may sit back and enjoy.

24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.

26. Never talk to a man in the bathroom.

27. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him.

28. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "leave me alone!" you are absolved of your responsibility.
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Old 05-15-2005, 07:36 PM   #2
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hahaha....just dont let your girlfriend/wife know of those rules
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Old 05-15-2005, 07:52 PM   #3
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Quote:
1. Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolat.

16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

19. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiny friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Arson
hahaha....just dont let your girlfriend/wife know of those rules
those are the three that i have had problems abiding be w/ previous chicks. when confronted w/ one of these situations i was like " uhh, okay. tell you what, i'll give you the money and you go in there and rent the movie."

this one chick i used to date LOVED her cat that she had for like 4 years and i told her striaght up that i hate cats. so we always disagreed on that part.

this other chick i used to date wanted me to hook my friend up with her friend and honestly, i wouldnt hit her w/ my worst enemies' dick. but i found a way around that one.
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Old 05-15-2005, 07:59 PM   #4
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lol.
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Old 05-15-2005, 08:05 PM   #5
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26. Never talk to a man in the bathroom.
so you mean to tell me that debates in public bathrooms arnt allowed?

my friend and i were both on the ****ter, and we were talking cars, turbo dodges, and this guy in another stall was like "you guys talkin about them turbo datona's and ****?". started a conversation on the toilets, it was rather funny
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Old 05-15-2005, 08:08 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by Tbird232ci
so you mean to tell me that debates in public bathrooms arnt allowed?

my friend and i were both on the ****ter, and we were talking cars, turbo dodges, and this guy in another stall was like "you guys talkin about them turbo datona's and ****?". started a conversation on the toilets, it was rather funny
i think they are referring to "hey, how's it goin..." kind of thing.
i am pretty sure there are exceptions to the rules, such as this one.
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Old 05-15-2005, 08:09 PM   #7
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the thing that made it great...the other guy, he was like:

"yeeeeeeah...my buddie used to haaaaaaaaave on of those back in high schoooool"
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Old 05-15-2005, 08:11 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Tbird232ci
the thing that made it great...the other guy, he was like:

"yeeeeeeah...my buddie used to haaaaaaaaave on of those back in high schoooool"
that's niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.
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Old 05-15-2005, 08:48 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 04stang
2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

26. Never talk to a man in the bathroom.

27. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him.
I'll admit it....I've broken these codes...

#2...My friend and I were at a party and the cops broke it up....It was pooring rain out so we went out into the backyard and sat under one of those giant umbrella things on a bench waiting for the cops to leave so we could go back inside.

#24...Finders keepers, losers weepers

#26...Having to go to the bathroom is no reason to end a conversation. I've carried on conversations in the bathroom on numerous occasions, but never started one until both parties were done doing their "business".

#27...Oh comon...Tell me 90% of the male population hasn't broken this one. Nothing like singing "Bon Jovi - Livin' on a Prayer" with your buddies in the car coming back from the track
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Old 05-16-2005, 12:23 AM   #10
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haha, good one.
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Old 05-16-2005, 12:31 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NJStang86
#27...Oh comon...Tell me 90% of the male population hasn't broken this one. Nothing like singing "Bon Jovi - Livin' on a Prayer" with your buddies in the car coming back from the track
Allowable if all of you are drunk, otherwise ...

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Holy crap he's right.
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Old 05-16-2005, 02:30 AM   #12
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Quote:
If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits with out his permission
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Old 05-16-2005, 02:41 AM   #13
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pretty funny
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Old 05-16-2005, 01:04 PM   #14
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i only disagree with the singing together one. maybe its because i was in a band but i think that there are certain bands you are allowed to sing along with. examples include bon jovi, boston, etc
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Old 05-16-2005, 02:50 PM   #15
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Queen!!!!
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Old 05-17-2005, 03:15 AM   #16
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^ uh no
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Old 05-17-2005, 07:03 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 04stang
2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 04stang
7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits with out his permission
hahaha, funny story.... I was good good friends with this guy, played a bunch of sports together, hung out all the time... yeah, I tried my hand at dating his sister. Hahaha... he was SOO pissed. He and I got in like an all out wrestling match in BAND... during class. Hahahaha, so awesome... we laugh at it today.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 04stang
11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up together, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
hahaha, another funny story.... my buddy found a girl online.. she said she was "hot, thin, blonde..." of course. So he's all 'excited' to meet her.. and so we do. Turns out, she is blonde... that's the only thing she got right. She's roughly 300 pounds... 5'2", so pretty round.... I'm still not sure if he rolled her on her back... or her side. Guess it wouldn't have mattered. I got to HEAR them have sex... where's the vomit thing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 04stang
13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
, my gf loves sports..... AND buffalo wings. Especially my boneless hot wings... that make my scalp sweat.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 04stang
20. It is permissible to consume a fruity drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach...and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

26. Never talk to a man in the bathroom.
hahaha, awesome. And good to hear I'm not the only one freaked out by guys that feel a desperate need to end the calm quietness in the bathroom.
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Old 05-17-2005, 07:39 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 04stang
i think they are referring to "hey, how's it goin..." kind of thing.
i am pretty sure there are exceptions to the rules, such as this one.

I agree friends can talk in a bathroom. You never strike a conversation up with a stranger in the bathroom. AND YOU NEVER!!! NEVER!!! MAKE EYE CONTACT OR LOOK AT A PERSON WHEN TALKING TO THEM AT A URINAL!!!!! PERIOD!!!!
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Old 05-17-2005, 01:22 PM   #19
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Corey...speaking from experience?
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Old 05-17-2005, 02:23 PM   #20
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Here's a longer list:

http://www.liquorwits.com/code.html
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Old 05-17-2005, 02:47 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 04stang
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
I want a camera so I can show my g/f what happend and see if she thinks the chicks were hot or not.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 04stang
9. *****ing about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
Funny story, a friend of mine back in NY always turned down free drinks if they weren't one of two brands. Me on the other hand, cold and wet is the only requirement...unless I am buzzing, then free is all that matters.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 04stang
15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
Just helped someone move out of the house I just moved into (nightmare)...payment was a 12 pack. Built him a fence around his new yard...payment was 2 12 packs. Going to be building a screened in sun porch like thing on his new house....you'll never guess what payment will be? Yup...a 12 pack for each day we work.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 04stang
16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
Same friend I helped move is so pussified that he baby talks his wifes cat (even before they were married), hand feeds the cat its moist cat food, clap and cheers "Yeah marshmallow" when the cat would take a **** in the back yard....it is wrong, so wrong.
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Old 05-17-2005, 04:38 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Smurfin
Same friend I helped move is so pussified that he baby talks his wifes cat (even before they were married), hand feeds the cat its moist cat food, clap and cheers "Yeah marshmallow" when the cat would take a **** in the back yard....it is wrong, so wrong.
can you say "emasculated"?
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Old 05-17-2005, 04:46 PM   #23
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great stuff
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Old 05-17-2005, 05:52 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by WhiteStang99
can you say "emasculated"?

More like ***** whipped, lol, pun intended too.

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Old 05-17-2005, 05:54 PM   #25
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More like ***** whipped, lol, pun intended too.

Steve
exactly, its a very powerful thing
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Old 05-17-2005, 05:57 PM   #26
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hahaha so true
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Old 05-17-2005, 06:12 PM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ponycarman
More like ***** whipped, lol, pun intended too.

Steve
Only if he is getting it from the cat..because as his wife told my g/f, "They are not bed compatible". Their 19 month old sleeps with mommy in the king bed because "bed time is a time for reflection on the day and a time of innocense". If he has put his twin bed back together by now, he sleeps upstairs in that like he has been since conception...otherwise he is still sleeping on the couch.

Very very weird situation...always entertaining to go over there.
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Old 05-17-2005, 06:18 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by Smurfin
because "bed time is a time for reflection on the day and a time of innocense".
2:

holy **** dude, if a chick ever told me that, she'd never see me again. i can understand "not tonight" or something like that, but damn, not what i quoted you on.
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Old 05-17-2005, 06:22 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 04stang
2:

holy **** dude, if a chick ever told me that, she'd never see me again. i can understand "not tonight" or something like that, but damn, not what i quoted you on.
She asked my g/f if she thinks I would put up with that. I told my g/f later that if she tells me that, I will find a girl that I am bed compatible with...and to call me when she thinks we could be compatible again.

I could make an entire thread of the weirdness of this family...but, no one really believes me until they meet these people. Then they look at me with a total WTF look on their face. That reaction makes it all worth it. lol
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Old 05-20-2005, 04:23 PM   #30
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that's not normal. I'm wondering if that's even sane...
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Old 05-20-2005, 09:59 PM   #31
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its funny, when youre ***** whipped, your friends make fun of you, but when you arnt ***** whipped, HER friends make fun of you...

when i was in highschool, my girlfriend would be like "shawn, lets skip down the hall", and id be like "**** that, my dicks too big for that ****", my friends would laugh, her friends would call me a dick, then she'd go and be like "well, ill go skip with john, he's nice and he'll skip with me", to which id reply "go **** him too, then call my from his house to tell me how good it was", then she'd come up, hug me and be all sweet to me

highschool girls...gotta love em...

thats why im still dating one
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