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Old 10-05-2005, 04:42 PM   #36
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Re: Official Joke Thread

......thats what she said.
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Old 10-05-2005, 05:30 PM   #37
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Re: Official Joke Thread

The 6th grade class is learning about the word definitely. The teacher says to the class, I want you to use the word definitely in a sentence. Little girl raises her hand, and says the sky is definitely blue. The teacher says that,no the sky could be gray or black.
Little Johnny is raising his hand in the back, she calls on him. Johnny says," Hey Teach, does a fart have lumps?" Teacher says no, Then little johnny then says, then I have definitely have sh** my pants!!
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Old 10-05-2005, 05:34 PM   #38
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Re: Official Joke Thread

The 6th grade class is learning about another new word.
The word today is fascinate. She instructs the class to use the word in a sentence. Little Johnny is way in the back, raising his hand, but she ignores him knowing how bad he is. But he doesn't give up. Finally she decides to call on him, thinking what he can he do with that word.

Little Johhny says," Hey Teach, my sister has a 10 button sweater, but her TIT'S are so big, she can only fascinate!!
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Old 10-05-2005, 06:37 PM   #39
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Re: Official Joke Thread

There Was A Cucumber, A Pickle, And A Penis Sitting Around Talking About How Thier Lives Sucked. The Cucumber "man" Says, My Life Sucks. When I Get Big, Fat, And Juicy, They Cut Me Up And Stick Me On A Salad." The Pickle Looks At Him And Says, "you Think You Have It Bad? When I Get Big, Fat, And Juicy, They Stick Me In Vinegar, Put Spices On Me, And Stick Me In A Jar." The Penis Looks At Him And Says, "you Think You Have It Rough? When I Get Big, Fat, And Juicy They Stick A Rubber Tarp On My Head, Stick Me In A Dark Room, An Bang My Head Against The Wall Until I Throw Up An Pass Out!!!!!!
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Old 10-06-2005, 12:41 AM   #40
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Re: Official Joke Thread

^ back to like 5th grade, haha
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Old 10-07-2005, 11:55 AM   #41
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Re: Official Joke Thread

Q: What Are The Small Bumps Around A Woman's Nipples For ?
A: Its Braille For Suck Here.

Q: What Do You Do With 365 Used Condoms?
A: Melt Them Down, Make A Tire, And Call It A Goodyear.

Q: Why Should Hurricanes Always Be Named After Women?
A: When They Come They're Wild And Wet, But When They Go, They Take Your House And Car With Them.

Q: Why Do Girls Rub Their Eyes When They Get Up In The Morning?
A: Because They Don't Have Any Balls To Scratch
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Old 10-07-2005, 12:41 PM   #42
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Re: Official Joke Thread

Anal Glaucoma

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I have a case of Anal Glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.

He asks: "What the hell is Anal Glaucoma?"

She responds: "I can't see my *** coming into work today."
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Old 10-07-2005, 02:38 PM   #43
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Re: Official Joke Thread

A very attractive woman had been in coma for months. One day, nurses were in her room
giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and
noticed a slight response on the monitor when she touched her. They
tried it again and sure enough there was a small recognizable movement.

They went to her husband and explained what had happened, telling him,
"Crazy as it sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring
her out of her coma!"

The husband was somewhat skeptical, but they assured him that they would
close the curtains for privacy. He finally agreed and went into his
wife's room.

After a few minutes, the woman's monitor flat-lined, no pulse, no heart
rate.

The nurses ran into the room. "What happened?" they cried.

The husband said, "I'm not sure, but I think she choked on it!"
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Old 10-11-2005, 01:31 PM   #44
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Re: Official Joke Thread

Do I Know You?

A guy is in the supermarket when he notices that a rather sexy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.

He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waiving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "Sorry, do you know me?"

She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children."

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful. "Holy crap," he says, "are you that stripper from my bachelor party that I screwed on the pool table in front of all my friends while your girlfriend whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up by behind?"

"No," she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher."
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