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Old 12-04-2005, 03:04 AM   #1
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The New Fad is here.

Now, it's Chuck Norris baby. Memorize these and put em on shirts lol These are getting pretty popular here at work and it's spreading. In bold are my favorite.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.


Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ****ing Indian.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.


Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.


When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris once decided to make a vibrator that would simulate the size and power of his actual penis. The result was a baseball bat tied to a jackhammer.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.
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Old 12-04-2005, 03:10 AM   #2
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Re: The New Fad is here.

thats awesome
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Old 12-04-2005, 03:50 AM   #3
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Re: The New Fad is here.

Seen em...but still great
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Old 12-04-2005, 09:11 AM   #4
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Re: The New Fad is here.

funny.............but i still dont get the fascination with chuck norris all of a sudden.




what did i miss?
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Old 12-04-2005, 09:54 AM   #5
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Re: The New Fad is here.

^ I hear ya, just go with the flow tho
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Old 12-04-2005, 10:15 AM   #6
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Re: The New Fad is here.

wow, this must have started in the midwest and moved outward because this is all like 2 months old to me. It started with bill brasky, then moved to chuck norris, and now is starting up with vin diesel.
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Old 12-04-2005, 10:35 AM   #7
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Re: The New Fad is here.

That is Funny.

Here's a real Chuck Norris Story.

When My Mom had her stroke, she ended up sharing a room with a lady who was 81 years old. The old lady was in for a pace maker, and when we visited my Mom, the old Lady had to have absolute quiet during Walker Texas Ranger.

So here's this 81 year old lady, talking about how and what she would do to Chuck if she had the chance!!

So Chuck gets old ladies wet and gives them some hope!!
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Old 12-04-2005, 11:53 AM   #8
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Re: The New Fad is here.

thats been around, i like the other ones (someone has been on stangnet..)
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Old 12-04-2005, 12:36 PM   #9
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Re: The New Fad is here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZimStang
wow, this must have started in the midwest and moved outward because this is all like 2 months old to me. It started with bill brasky,
then moved to chuck norris, and now is starting up with vin diesel.

bill brasky is a son of a *****!
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Old 12-04-2005, 01:17 PM   #10
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Re: The New Fad is here.

ha, baseball bat tied to a jackhammer...
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Old 12-04-2005, 04:30 PM   #11
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Re: The New Fad is here.

haha yeah, i heard some of these from my brothers
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Old 12-04-2005, 11:11 PM   #12
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Re: The New Fad is here.

old.
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Old 12-05-2005, 12:43 AM   #13
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Re: The New Fad is here.

bill brasky once scissor kicked angela lansbury
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Old 12-05-2005, 12:47 AM   #14
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Re: The New Fad is here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZimStang
bill brasky once scissor kicked angela lansbury
his poop is considered currency in argentina
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Old 12-06-2005, 05:33 PM   #15
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Re: The New Fad is here.

Nothing to say here...

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Old 12-06-2005, 06:13 PM   #16
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Re: The New Fad is here.

lol I love that one.

Question, if I made shirts with those sayings and Chuck Norris's face would I get sued for usin his face?
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Old 12-06-2005, 10:28 PM   #17
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Re: The New Fad is here.

that sounds so familiar from somewhere
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Old 12-07-2005, 01:09 AM   #18
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Re: The New Fad is here.

Well? I wanna start designing shirts and all with these sayings and sell em, but I don't wanna get sued... lol
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Old 12-07-2005, 09:41 AM   #19
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Re: The New Fad is here.

if you give the stuff away you may can get by with it... but you cant just use his face with his concent.
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Old 12-07-2005, 09:41 AM   #20
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Re: The New Fad is here.

Chuck Norris doesnt misspell words, he just changes the dictionary
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Old 12-07-2005, 03:25 PM   #21
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Re: The New Fad is here.

lmao, that video was great.
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