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Old 12-16-2005, 09:12 AM   #1
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A reminder of proper behavior as we head to holiday festivities!*

1 Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots,* leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.*

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt* scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch.
You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares*
that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to *turn*
into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have* one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!*
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy.* Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your* mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.*
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk* or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports* car with an automatic transmission.*

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control* your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat* other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?*

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.* You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is* the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table* while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.*
* *
*7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted* Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near* them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the* center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave *them* behind, you're never going to see them again.*
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or,* if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always* have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?*
9. Did someone mention fruit cake? Granted, it's loaded with the* mandatory* celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some* standards.*
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party* *or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread* tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.*

Remember this motto to live by*

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of*
arriving* safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid* in* sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body*
*thoroughly* used* up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"*


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Old 12-16-2005, 10:56 AM   #2
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Re: A reminder of proper behavior as we head to holiday festivities!*

haha nice.. and i do plan on putting on some weight this winter break.

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