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Old 12-10-2007, 10:15 AM   #141
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Re: woot for road trips

The darkly dressed figure jumped out of the bushes and did some sort of quantum leap towards The Red and with one swift motion pierces him right through his heart with a 10 foot sword (we may have exaggerated a little here). He proceeded to beat the **** out of the Red. He then turned toward The Blue and threw some sort of spinning dart/beagle. This barely missed his head as he stopped, dropped, and rolled. The dagger tore into The Green's arm leaving a deep gash.

The Green tossed an energy capsule under the figure and just as it went off to capture him he leaped into the air and pole vaulted off of his huge sword. He then narrowly missed flying side kicks from The Black. He bounced off of a couple of trees before getting knocked the **** out with a huge stick The Orange flung ever so perfectly. The group proceeded to beat down the intruder. The Blue reached for his mask and pulled it back.

Just as The Blue did this they all paused in a freakish manor. Such a horror had not been seen since the three moons of Betazandabar had collided and killed everyone or that one time when they started making Coke with a new receipe and screwed it all up. They could simply not believe who it was. The Orange vomited. It was The Red! The Red had traveled back 1,000 or so years from the future to kill himself and take The Wet Stick (all of this is based on assumptions as you will find out in the following text. If you wish to know more about assumptions read "Why we should assume everything always" by Terance Lewis Sanch). They tied him up to a near by tree. He would not talk clearly to them. Most don't know this but as a side effect from going back in time you die or at least find it hard to communicate with others for a few days. If you want to know more about this you should look into "Becoming a Robot and going back in time for some reason" by George Coolwater Jr.

The Blue ever so wise knew this so he went into the jungle and picked some wild berries and other items to make a potion with. This would help the intruder more quickly recover from his time travel lag. He mixed the potion in an old sock he had kept for just such an occasion. He applied the paste to The Red only to realize he didnt read the directions correctly and the "stew" could only be given intravenously. He proceeded to heat up a spoon.

After sticking The Red he told the others that it would take 24 hours before they would know anything. The group was very confused as to why The Red was after them this entire time. Just then another shadow covered figure jumped out of the bush and placed a magical beat on The Green. The Green then proceeded to emplode. The figure then attempted to run out of their camp but tripped over something. The Group quickly captured him and pulled off his clock. It was The Red! Again! He had come back in time to keep from getting his dumb *** captured. He failed of course. So now the group had two The Red's and one dead The Red. Much has just shown itself but all was not answered by far. "Hopefully", said the blue, "we will figure out just what was going on."
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Old 04-25-2010, 09:45 AM   #142
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Re: woot for road trips

What will happen to The Red as a captive?

Will he travel back in time, yet again?

Did The Red heat up the spoon enough?

Is The Blue's old potion sock an effective crucible?

Does The Green mount caribou when given the opportunity?

These questions remain.
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Old 04-25-2010, 02:07 PM   #143
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Re: woot for road trips

This may be the greatest thread on the internet
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Old 04-25-2010, 02:10 PM   #144
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Re: woot for road trips

This thread is ancient... as old as I've owned my car
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Old 04-26-2010, 08:42 AM   #145
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Re: woot for road trips

Dont worry we are just waiting on another network to pick up the show and we will continue... plus I probably should read and remember WTF the story is doing.
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Old 01-19-2011, 07:41 PM   #146
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Re: woot for road trips

Suddenly out of the western sky, there was a great flash of pinkish light. It covered the horizon like butter on a warmed up Pillsbury biscuit. The Dead Red immediately jumped up like a zombie on Sunday. He began dancing an ancient, once forgotten, Scottish jig. It seemed palpable.

The Green saw this and exploded (this is after all, the only way to return to one's previous form after one emplodes ((for more on this, refer to "The Science of Recapiculation" by Jason Stromburgh, circa 09:22))). The Orange vomitted all over The Blue's gators. The Blue was super pissed. I mean PISSED.

But before he could pound The Orange into oblivion, The Once Dead Red quit dancing. The two captured The Reds looked at each other strangely, and then back at The Once Dead Red. The pinkish light grew stronger in intensity.

A huge stick it appeared in the sky. Rain began to pour from the sky like boxes of Fruit Loops. The stick began to spin... Lightning struck from cloud to cloud. Thunder roared. The time had come...

The Reds, including The Once Dead Red, began to levitate into the sky... moving toward the huge spinning stick.

The Black, whom had been at his knitting for this entire affair, then spaketh:

"Omnipotent furrowed brow,
Show thine power and show it now.
The time for salvation has come hence,
All the gerbils live in tents.
Nothing shall thy hairs divine,
Justice late, yet quite on time.
Show thyself, ye proclaimed saint,
And kick The Reds in their ****ing taint!"


What happened next, it is difficult to describe using today's vernacular. It is believed by some, that the language capable of describing the events in their true form is known only by The Green after he has swallowed one too many marshmallows. It is unknown to time and sands and such.

The best this humble writer can do, however, is as follows.

Gerbils came out of tents. E = mc^2 - 0.001161781983 (The Black's coefficient of parametric loss due to the instability and unpredictability of the space time continuum). Gerbils assumed a hairy shape. The Blue insomani verdii esolm turao iburrows. The Reds failed insignificantly. And The Sticks were one.
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Old 01-21-2011, 08:27 PM   #147
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Re: woot for road trips

It lives....

Someday I am going to take all this and put it into one blog or something just so it is in one place and easy to read... someday
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Old 01-22-2011, 08:50 AM   #148
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Re: woot for road trips

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here in about 4 hours, we'll be leaving to Pennsylvania. Philadelphia to be more specific. It's a 15 hour drive. I'll post pics of why I went when I get back, which should be Wednesday... probably after I wake up though.
good luck have a safe trip.hope u brought a very warm coat ,lol
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Old 01-22-2011, 09:32 AM   #149
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It lives....

Someday I am going to take all this and put it into one blog or something just so it is in one place and easy to read... someday
Some day when I want to read a book I'll read this!!
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Old 01-22-2011, 09:33 AM   #150
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Re: woot for road trips

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good luck have a safe trip.hope u brought a very warm coat ,lol
I'm hoping this is sarcasm because he made this trip 5 years ago
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Old 01-22-2011, 09:56 AM   #151
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Quote:
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I'm hoping this is sarcasm because he made this trip 5 years ago
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Old 01-22-2011, 10:02 AM   #152
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Re: woot for road trips

I am happy to report that Beaner made the trip successfully.
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Old 01-22-2011, 10:03 AM   #153
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I am happy to report that Beaner made the trip successfully.
Good to hear!
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Old 01-31-2011, 10:34 AM   #154
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Re: woot for road trips

The sky grew dark and impotent with fear. A spark of light shot down to the ground at an alarming 100 miles per hour. Normally light would travel much faster, the group was in shock at the light but puzzled at it slow pace. If you are interested in sparks of light traveling ever so slow then you should take a gamble and read "Sparks Of Light: Speed of Light... Not So Much" by Driver Wilson. The group all jumped behind rocks or anything else that they could find to brace themselves for the soon to be impact.

They all got tired of waiting and decided to play chutes and ladders, well their version which is eerily similar but instead of chutes they use brothels and instead of ladders they use peach trees, sometimes you can pretend they are other types of trees. In the end though they are really peach trees. After a couple very arousing games of Brothels and Peach Trees they forgot all about the spark of light and.... BAM... it hit them, hard. Almost as hard as The Blue after his stint in the Navy returning home after six months at sea hitting well... you know.

The light infused with them, went all through their bodies, coddled them, touched them inappropriately. They awoke with such a clatter moments later only to realize they had changed colors! Finally The Blue (the REAL The Blue) determined that their colors had not changed, they had actually swapped bodies with one another. The Green took this as a chance to perform the one action he never could. You see... The Green was asked to perform one such of an action by his Ex-Girlfriend when they broke up. The Green carefully walked over towards The Black (in The Green's body) and proceeded to crawl up his own *** and die.

"Now on to business...", said The Blue (the actual The Blue). He actually said the dots as well, as really smart type people always do. Keep that in mind while you continue to read for the rest of your life. The Blue sat everyone down and then started to figure out who was who.
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Old 02-02-2011, 10:42 PM   #155
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Re: woot for road trips

After much cohorting and disgruntlement and discussing pertinent world issues (such as the sudden influx of Ju Ju Beans at the local Kwiki-Mart), The Blue came to several realizations.

First of all, the being formerly known as The Black was unaccounted for. The three Reds had apparently combined into The Blacks former shell. This was apparent by he/they/it kept staring at Cundus's (yes, he was back to that **** again) tiddly bits. Tiddly bits are, of course, the term used to refer to nut sacks prior to the invasion of Cambodia by Richard El Simone The Great during the War of 1812.3217. The Red/Pre-Black had calmed down thankfully, and was no longer zombie-ish, nor evil-ish.

This was interesting considering the creature had The Green lodged in his anal cavity, as it was thought before the meeting that The Black was really The Green. This pissed off The Green immensely as he came to understand that he had still not achieved the final test of his training: to lodge himself within his own *** and die. Now he was thoroughly alive and smelling yesterday's Taco Bell in a manner which no being (no matter how multi-dimensional) should have to endure.

No matter to The Red(s). They quickly grew tired of all the chatter and broke out into a game of Minesweeper, which was at that great time referred to as Minelicker and was much more interesting.

Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, The Blue realized he had actually taken over the body of The Once Dead Red. While his bones were as stiff as petroleum jelly spread over a porcupine, this meant one thing that could not be un-meant. He now had +2 for eyebrows. (On a side note, for more on small, spikey, petroleum-based mammals, refer to "Oily Platypii and Other Greasy Beings of Nature and Goodness and Wholesomeness" by Barney Plofflum).

The presence of eyebrows upon The Blue was perhaps more important than these creatures could possibly understand or hope to envision or hope to forget or hope to presume or hope to estimate at the time. For another feeling suddenly came over The Blue. It seems The Red(s) weren't the only thing with an unnatural object jammed up their nether regions.

You see, sticking out under the hem of The Blue's plaid skirt stuck the tip of something of great importance. So great perhaps, that it is the reason this is writ of writtenance is being written, or has been writ, determining on perspective and time frame. It was... The Wet Stick (also known henceforth as The Smelly Wet Stick).

This led one of the gerbils to crap on The Blue's toes, of course.
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Old 02-03-2011, 08:33 AM   #156
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Re: woot for road trips

This story is brought you in part by:
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Old 08-10-2012, 08:02 PM   #157
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Re: woot for road trips

Years passed, along with seconds, inches, kilograms, vartums, metric globules, bits, and other various units of measure, along with a few units that were not so measurable. The group was at an impasse, or so Voltaire would have it.

You see, the Red(s) game of Minelicker had ended with rather disastrous results. One/Some of the Red(s) had jokingly placed a smidgin of beef cubes into one of the mines as a maniacal excuse for a practical joke. Sometime later, this event would become known as The Big Bang. Theories would be written and crappy sitcoms would be made in its honor.

Perhaps the worse of the situation was the fact that Cundus had decided to go back to being The Orange (yes, that **** again) just at the time of detonation. Of course, his transformation required him to cross seven dimensions of reality while tap dancing and singing very sad songs about heartache, despair and unsweetened whole kernel corn (canned). Unfortunately, some of the energy from the blast had gone with him. Entire civilizations were laid to waste, new ones were formed and a badger got kicked in the face.

The sadness and unfortunality this all had brought upon the group all came to a head when The Green dropped his toothpick on The Blue's foot (keep in mind, he hath by this time occupied The Once Dead Red's body, and very much admired it). "My toe!" exclaimed The Blue. "My toothpick!" yelled The Green. "My tiddly bits!" belted The Orange. "Your tiddly bits!" shrieked The Red(s).

Luckily, as fate would have it something strange and wonderous happened. A strange and wonderous noise began emanating from The Blue's forehead-ish regions.

"Shut up ye fools! Doest thou not heareth mine voice???"

Such fanciful language could only come from one being, as documented in Walsh's Almanac of Fanciful Language Spoken by Colorful, Inter-dimensional Beings, Circa 170.12/3 (published, of course, by none other than Bob's Clearing House).

'Twas The Black.

He had become transformed into hairy bits and affixed just above The Blue's dreamy, The Blue eyes. The Black was The Blue's eyebrows. And mighty bushy eyebrows at that.

"Tis time to parlay the childish round-a-bouts (Pronounced B-OOT-S). We have work to doeth!"

Everyone nodded hastily in agreement and general fearfulness of the linguistic, filamentous biomaterials.
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Old 08-10-2012, 10:00 PM   #158
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Re: woot for road trips

Sigh
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Old 08-10-2012, 10:11 PM   #159
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Woot! This thread is back! As The fans cheer.
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Old 08-16-2012, 12:58 PM   #160
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Re: woot for road trips

Suddenly someone (perhaps a masked man/goat wearing a black robe and a mask, an orange mask with a swirly pattern and one eye hole) started playing the old country classic "I dont need your rocking chair" from an old 80's style boom box, batteries were included.

Everyone stopped and became very bambuuzeld and really argued (like really really) about the actual meaning of the words and some correlation to a 5th Century astronomer named Marv S. Hummingfellow. To interpret more about this check your local library for the book "Stars and You from a 5th Century point of view!, by Charles Howard". They were somewhat interrupted when The Black's foot fell off, seems gravity was to blame.

Define: bambuuzeld - To be bambuuzeld, "Charlie really let me have it. It hurts a little like I am bambuuzeld!"
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Old 08-16-2012, 01:46 PM   #161
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As the people argue about the meaning of the words, the man/goat lay in the middle of the town square, in full sunlight with excruciating pain, yelling, "bah my foot, bah my foot it really hurts!" A tourist passing through town notices the man/goat, and starts to render 1st Aid when the man/goat bites him.

All the sudden the sky grows very ominous, at this point the wind picks up whoosh, whoosh, whoosh whoosh!!! No one in the town has experienced anything like this before; the sky is getting fiercer by the second, meanwhile the man/goat keeps yelling, "bah my foot, bah my foot it really hurts!" The tourist now has developed, a large gash that is bleeding profusely.

The sun has now completely vanished behind dark grey clouds that appear to be rapidly changing colors. The innocent tourist now has blood, and puss oozing out of his nose and mouth. The first warning, a bright flicker in the sky followed by a clap of thunder that sounds like a cannon, BOOM!! Everyone gets knocked off their feet.
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Old 08-20-2012, 08:18 AM   #162
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Re: woot for road trips

Seriously, I am going to go through and get all the story and put it in one spot.
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Old 08-20-2012, 08:21 AM   #163
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Smile Re: woot for road trips

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Seriously, I am going to go through and get all the story and put it in one spot.
good luck!
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Old 08-20-2012, 08:30 AM   #164
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Seriously, I am going to go through and get all the story and put it in one spot.
Go for it one massive quote.
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