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Old 01-26-2007, 08:35 AM   #1
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Some Jokes

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly,
Sir , that'll be one cent." "One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at
the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied. "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the
guy who owns this place?" The bartender replied:
"Upstairs, with my wife." The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with
your wife?" The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his
business down here."

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly:
"I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to, " his wife replied. "No," he insisted, "I want to die
in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and
your mother!" "I know," she replied, " now just rest and let the poison


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Old 01-26-2007, 11:05 PM   #2
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Re: Some Jokes

Haha those are good

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Old 01-26-2007, 11:08 PM   #3
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Re: Some Jokes

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Old 01-26-2007, 11:10 PM   #4
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Re: Some Jokes


I laughed...
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Old 01-27-2007, 07:56 AM   #5
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Re: Some Jokes

Originally Posted by Brent
Nothing is ever official until its official
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Old 01-27-2007, 02:55 PM   #6
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Re: Some Jokes

nice ones
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Old 01-28-2007, 03:09 AM   #7
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Re: Some Jokes

Here's some more for ya...

A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now."

He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right."

To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Fine," she says, "Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break."

"I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he says. "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!"

So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours.

He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. "Honey, how'd this all get fixed?"

She said, "Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either screw him or bake him a cake." He said, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?"

She replied, "Hellooooo... Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"

A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'' She calls on little Johnny.
''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''

The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'' Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?''

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, ''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''

''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like your thinking.''

A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happened...but then they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs. A riot broke out, and all the invited guests were hauled off to jail.
In court the next week, the judge asked the best man what happened.

''Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs.''

''That must have hurt,'' said the judge.

''No kidding,'' said the best man. ''I broke three of my fingers.''

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