Joke Posting Thread - Page 2 - Mustang Evolution

Go Back   Mustang Evolution > Off Topic Forums > The Bar



Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Please support our sponsors and let them know you heard about them here!
Old 03-05-2007, 03:29 PM   #36
Registered Member
Regular
 
Justin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Region: Louisiana
Posts: 581
Send a message via AIM to Justin Send a message via Yahoo to Justin
Re: Joke Posting Thread

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.

"Yeah teach?" he replies.

"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.

Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."

"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.

"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"

The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."

Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"
__________________
http://www.mustangevolution.com/forum/signatureuploads/sigpic5474_2.gif
(Project "TORQUE"):burnout:
Mods - Off Road H w/ Flowmaster 40s and 3" x 22" Tips, Shiftkit, Shorties, and 4.10s
Soon to come - UDPs, Off Road X-Pipe, A/T Cooler, and 03' Cobra Rims
Club - Tha Crew Leader of Muscle Car Division
Justin is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 03-05-2007, 03:38 PM   #37
Registered Member
Regular
 
Justin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Region: Louisiana
Posts: 581
Send a message via AIM to Justin Send a message via Yahoo to Justin
Re: Joke Posting Thread

A dwarf gets on an elevator and pushes the button to go up, just before the door closes, a hand comes through and opens the door. In steps a very large black man. The dwarf stares and says "You’re the biggest man I have ever seen". The man nods his head, and replies " I’m 6-9, weigh 259 lbs., and I have 16 inches, I'm Turner Brown.” The dwarf faints! After coming too, the dwarf asks the man to repeat himself. So he does, "I said I’m 6 - 9, 259 lbs., with 16 inches, my name is Turner Brown.” The dwarf looked relieved and started laughing. “For a minute there, I thought you said ‘Turn Around’.”
__________________
http://www.mustangevolution.com/forum/signatureuploads/sigpic5474_2.gif
(Project "TORQUE"):burnout:
Mods - Off Road H w/ Flowmaster 40s and 3" x 22" Tips, Shiftkit, Shorties, and 4.10s
Soon to come - UDPs, Off Road X-Pipe, A/T Cooler, and 03' Cobra Rims
Club - Tha Crew Leader of Muscle Car Division
Justin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-2007, 03:54 PM   #38
Registered Member
Regular
 
Justin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Region: Louisiana
Posts: 581
Send a message via AIM to Justin Send a message via Yahoo to Justin
Re: Joke Posting Thread

Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second. "I froze to death," says the second. "That's awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?" says the first. "It's very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How did you die?" says the second. "I had a heart attack", says the first guy. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, bot no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man shakes his head. "that's so ironic" he says. "What do you mean?" asks the first man "If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."
__________________
http://www.mustangevolution.com/forum/signatureuploads/sigpic5474_2.gif
(Project "TORQUE"):burnout:
Mods - Off Road H w/ Flowmaster 40s and 3" x 22" Tips, Shiftkit, Shorties, and 4.10s
Soon to come - UDPs, Off Road X-Pipe, A/T Cooler, and 03' Cobra Rims
Club - Tha Crew Leader of Muscle Car Division
Justin is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 03-05-2007, 10:41 PM   #39
Registered Member
Regular
 
MidnightSpeed's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Region: Kansas
Posts: 144
Send a message via AIM to MidnightSpeed Send a message via Yahoo to MidnightSpeed
Re: Joke Posting Thread

I think that last one with the freezer is my favorite... lol
__________________
MidnightSpeed is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-2007, 10:45 PM   #40
Legacy Member
Legacy
 
bbunt302's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Region: Texas
Posts: 2,459
Send a message via AIM to bbunt302
Re: Joke Posting Thread

An old man and a young woman walked into a bar. They both caught hepatitis and ate grapefruit. The young woman was hot so a bunch of guys performed sexual acts on her. They caught hepatitis too.

The old man didn't have any sexual relations with anyone, but he still had hepatitis. That is, until he finally beat Super Mario Bros. 3. Then everybody put their weight down on it.
__________________

Scary stuff.
bbunt302 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-2007, 10:45 PM   #41
Registered Member
Regular
 
RySko's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Region: New Jersey
Posts: 43
Send a message via AIM to RySko
Re: Joke Posting Thread

Auction was good, lol..
RySko is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-06-2007, 07:17 AM   #42
Registered Member
Regular
 
Justin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Region: Louisiana
Posts: 581
Send a message via AIM to Justin Send a message via Yahoo to Justin
Re: Joke Posting Thread

I like the one with the dwarf
__________________
http://www.mustangevolution.com/forum/signatureuploads/sigpic5474_2.gif
(Project "TORQUE"):burnout:
Mods - Off Road H w/ Flowmaster 40s and 3" x 22" Tips, Shiftkit, Shorties, and 4.10s
Soon to come - UDPs, Off Road X-Pipe, A/T Cooler, and 03' Cobra Rims
Club - Tha Crew Leader of Muscle Car Division
Justin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-06-2007, 08:12 AM   #43
Registered Member
Regular
 
MidnightSpeed's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Region: Kansas
Posts: 144
Send a message via AIM to MidnightSpeed Send a message via Yahoo to MidnightSpeed
Re: Joke Posting Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by bbunt302 View Post
An old man and a young woman walked into a bar. They both caught hepatitis and ate grapefruit. The young woman was hot so a bunch of guys performed sexual acts on her. They caught hepatitis too.

The old man didn't have any sexual relations with anyone, but he still had hepatitis. That is, until he finally beat Super Mario Bros. 3. Then everybody put their weight down on it.
I don't get it... 2:
__________________
MidnightSpeed is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-06-2007, 09:06 AM   #44
Legacy Member
Legacy
 
Herbstang's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Region: Florida
Posts: 2,932
Re: Joke Posting Thread

Blue those jokes were ****in awesome !!!!!!! I'm still ROFLMAO
__________________

Mods-K&N CAI , True Dual Flowmaster 40, BBK Ceramic Shorties, 3.73 , 25% UDP, 3/8 Phenolic Intake Spacer ,Steeda Tri-ax, SCT Chip/Dyno Tune

Quote:
"Some people are like Slinkies; useless, but fun to push down the stairs."
Herbstang is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2007, 12:50 PM   #45
Registered Member
Regular
 
bluemustang's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Region: Connecticut
Posts: 1,192
Re: Joke Posting Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Herbstang View Post
Blue those jokes were ****in awesome !!!!!!! I'm still ROFLMAO
yeah they were def too funny



An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived and bet 20,000 on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely naked".


With that, she stripped, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"


As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed..."YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"


She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and clothes and quickly departed.


The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.


Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"


The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY-

Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb , but all men are men.
__________________
1989 5.0 - Mustang Brandy the NOW It can Barely Idle B**ch
http://www.mustangmods.com/ims/u/2019/3437/42512.jpg
1999 Jeep Cherokee Sport 4.0 - Yeah Its Gotta Baby Dick Lift
bluemustang is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2007, 04:55 PM   #46
Registered Member
Regular
 
Justin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Region: Louisiana
Posts: 581
Send a message via AIM to Justin Send a message via Yahoo to Justin
Re: Joke Posting Thread

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"
__________________
http://www.mustangevolution.com/forum/signatureuploads/sigpic5474_2.gif
(Project "TORQUE"):burnout:
Mods - Off Road H w/ Flowmaster 40s and 3" x 22" Tips, Shiftkit, Shorties, and 4.10s
Soon to come - UDPs, Off Road X-Pipe, A/T Cooler, and 03' Cobra Rims
Club - Tha Crew Leader of Muscle Car Division
Justin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2007, 04:58 PM   #47
Registered Member
Regular
 
Justin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Region: Louisiana
Posts: 581
Send a message via AIM to Justin Send a message via Yahoo to Justin
Re: Joke Posting Thread

The Rooster & The Cat!

A rooster is walking along one day when he comes to a riverbank with a
big bag of cat food beside it. Uninterested in the bag, he looks over to
the other side and sees a huge bag of chicken feed which instantly makes
his mouth water. Beside the bag of feed is a small cat that is hungrily
eyeing the cat food on his side.

The two look at each other and wonder what to do. The rooster says, "I
know, if we run & jump high enough we should be able to make it to the
other side."

The cat responds "OK, let's give it a try"

The rooster heads back about 15 feet, makes a run for it and jumps as
high as he can. He flaps his wings like crazy and just makes it to the bag
and starts devouring the chicken feed.

The cat, now more motivated than ever, heads back about 20 feet and
makes a run for it. He jumps, and SPLASH! He lands right in the middle of the river.

The Moral of the Story:

For every satisfied cock, there's a wet *****!
__________________
http://www.mustangevolution.com/forum/signatureuploads/sigpic5474_2.gif
(Project "TORQUE"):burnout:
Mods - Off Road H w/ Flowmaster 40s and 3" x 22" Tips, Shiftkit, Shorties, and 4.10s
Soon to come - UDPs, Off Road X-Pipe, A/T Cooler, and 03' Cobra Rims
Club - Tha Crew Leader of Muscle Car Division
Justin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2007, 05:07 PM   #48
Registered Member
Regular
 
Justin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Region: Louisiana
Posts: 581
Send a message via AIM to Justin Send a message via Yahoo to Justin
Re: Joke Posting Thread

Answers To Everything


What's the best form of birth control after 50?
Nudity

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

Why does the bride always wear white?

Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

How do you know when you're really ugly?

Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.

How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life?

When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."

Why did God create alcohol?
So ugly people could have sex, too.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****."
__________________
http://www.mustangevolution.com/forum/signatureuploads/sigpic5474_2.gif
(Project "TORQUE"):burnout:
Mods - Off Road H w/ Flowmaster 40s and 3" x 22" Tips, Shiftkit, Shorties, and 4.10s
Soon to come - UDPs, Off Road X-Pipe, A/T Cooler, and 03' Cobra Rims
Club - Tha Crew Leader of Muscle Car Division
Justin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2007, 05:12 PM   #49
Registered Member
Regular
 
Justin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Region: Louisiana
Posts: 581
Send a message via AIM to Justin Send a message via Yahoo to Justin
Re: Joke Posting Thread

Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911-operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" After a long pause, Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"
__________________
http://www.mustangevolution.com/forum/signatureuploads/sigpic5474_2.gif
(Project "TORQUE"):burnout:
Mods - Off Road H w/ Flowmaster 40s and 3" x 22" Tips, Shiftkit, Shorties, and 4.10s
Soon to come - UDPs, Off Road X-Pipe, A/T Cooler, and 03' Cobra Rims
Club - Tha Crew Leader of Muscle Car Division
Justin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2007, 05:13 PM   #50
Registered Member
Regular
 
Justin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Region: Louisiana
Posts: 581
Send a message via AIM to Justin Send a message via Yahoo to Justin
Re: Joke Posting Thread

Two men were driving through Georgia when they got pulled over by a State Trooper.

The cop walked up and tapped on the window with his nightstick.

The driver rolled down the window and WHACK, the cop smacked him in the head with his nightstick.

"What the hell was that for?" the driver asked.

"You're in Georgia, son," the trooper answered.

"When we pull you over in Georgia, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car."

"I'm sorry, officer," the driver said, "I'm not from around here."

The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, he's clean and gives the guy his license back.

The trooper then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window.

The passenger rolls down the window and "WHACK", the trooper smacks him on the head with the nightstick.

"What"d you do that for?" the passenger demands.

"Just making your wish come true," replied the Trooper.

"Making WHAT wish come true?" the passenger asked.

"Because I know your type," the trooper says, "two miles down the road you're gonna turn to your buddy and say, "I wish that ******* would've tried that **** with me!"
__________________
http://www.mustangevolution.com/forum/signatureuploads/sigpic5474_2.gif
(Project "TORQUE"):burnout:
Mods - Off Road H w/ Flowmaster 40s and 3" x 22" Tips, Shiftkit, Shorties, and 4.10s
Soon to come - UDPs, Off Road X-Pipe, A/T Cooler, and 03' Cobra Rims
Club - Tha Crew Leader of Muscle Car Division
Justin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2007, 05:20 PM   #51
Registered Member
Regular
 
Justin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Region: Louisiana
Posts: 581
Send a message via AIM to Justin Send a message via Yahoo to Justin
Re: Joke Posting Thread

This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing.
About half an hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says, "hey, how the heck are you doing that?!"
The first guy responds, "oh, it's really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk."
"WOW!" exclaims the second man, "I gotta try that!" So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below.
The bartender looks over to the first man and says, "Superman, you're an ******* when you're drunk."
__________________
http://www.mustangevolution.com/forum/signatureuploads/sigpic5474_2.gif
(Project "TORQUE"):burnout:
Mods - Off Road H w/ Flowmaster 40s and 3" x 22" Tips, Shiftkit, Shorties, and 4.10s
Soon to come - UDPs, Off Road X-Pipe, A/T Cooler, and 03' Cobra Rims
Club - Tha Crew Leader of Muscle Car Division
Justin is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Lower Navigation
Go Back   Mustang Evolution > Off Topic Forums > The Bar

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Don't know why I'm posting this... bbunt302 The Bar 2 05-11-2006 10:55 AM
Official Joke Thread Brent The Bar 43 10-11-2005 01:31 PM
Posting How To PureVenom The Bar 3 08-27-2004 01:20 PM
lol after the thread was closed to that political thread the guy pmed me this Brent The Bar 7 05-18-2004 09:51 PM

» Like Us On Facebook



12:52 PM


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0

MustangEvolution.com is in no way associated with or endorsed by Ford Motor Company.