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Old 10-22-2003, 02:44 PM   #71
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The most destructive force in the universe is gossip
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Old 10-22-2003, 02:44 PM   #72
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You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
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Old 10-22-2003, 02:44 PM   #73
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You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an
actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
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Old 10-22-2003, 02:45 PM   #74
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There comes a time when you should stop expecting other
people to make big deal about your birthday. That time is
about age eleven.
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Old 10-22-2003, 02:52 PM   #75
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The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of
age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background,
is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above
average drivers.
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Old 10-22-2003, 03:01 PM   #76
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At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service."
The act of doing things for other people. Then I heard the terms:

Internal Revenue Service,
Postal Service,
Civil Service,
Telephone Service,
Service Stations,
Customer Service,
City/County Public Service.

And I became confused about the word "service. This is not what I thought "service" meant.
Then one day, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them mentioned that he was having a bull service a few of his cows.


SHAZAM!! It all came into perspective.

Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us....
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Old 10-22-2003, 03:06 PM   #77
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NO matter where you go there you are !!!!!!
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Old 10-22-2003, 03:07 PM   #78
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Lol.. I missed that one!
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Old 10-22-2003, 03:08 PM   #79
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If you think the grass is greener somewhere else Just remember the grass is always greener over the septic tank
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Old 10-22-2003, 03:10 PM   #80
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don't eat yellow snow
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Old 10-22-2003, 03:12 PM   #81
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Remember when people say duck it is usually to late !!!!
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Old 10-22-2003, 03:15 PM   #82
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If you have spent your whole life a Atheist and you find yourself driving off a cliff it is probably a little late to be asking God for help. he probably disconnected your line to him a long time ago!!!!!
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Old 10-22-2003, 05:48 PM   #83
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if the black box on a airliner is so indestructable, why dont they make the whole plane outta that stuff?

no matter how fast you are, theres always someone faster than you.
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Old 10-22-2003, 06:02 PM   #84
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OH I am a Aerospace Quality Engineer and if the A/C was made like a black box the thrust and fuel required to get it off the ground whould make air travel to expensive for even the rich. The key is to make them good enough not to crash!!!!
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Old 10-22-2003, 06:34 PM   #85
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BAJAJAJAJA @ these
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Old 10-22-2003, 07:19 PM   #86
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my friend said he found Jesus. all i could think was "wow, we're gonna be rich!"
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Old 10-22-2003, 07:19 PM   #87
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what would a chair look like if our knees bent the other way?
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Old 10-22-2003, 10:39 PM   #88
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Quote:
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature British beef.
LMAO
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Old 10-22-2003, 10:42 PM   #89
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If a person has x-ray vision and can see through anything, wouldn't he see through everything and see nothing?
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Old 10-22-2003, 10:43 PM   #90
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Um...used to know a whole lot of these...
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Old 10-22-2003, 10:49 PM   #91
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It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.

If I lived back in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like, "Hey look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.
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Old 10-22-2003, 10:51 PM   #92
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I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.
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Old 10-22-2003, 10:51 PM   #93
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If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
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Old 10-23-2003, 06:09 AM   #94
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LOL.. You can throw a real grenade
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Old 10-23-2003, 07:21 AM   #95
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You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colon".
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Old 10-23-2003, 07:27 AM   #96
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SexyAsthmatic
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colon".
^OH.... MY.... GOD

BAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA!!!!
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Old 10-23-2003, 08:44 AM   #97
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Braces should be called Black n Decker Pecker Wreckers :no:
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Old 10-23-2003, 08:45 AM   #98
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Why does the lunch room give you the same amount of food but raise the price every year. :no:
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Old 10-23-2003, 08:46 AM   #99
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Should my mom be madder if she finds me whacking of to lesbians? Or having sex with lesbians?
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Old 10-23-2003, 08:47 AM   #100
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If i add the Tornado fuel saver, in theory, i should have more power??? :no:
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Old 10-23-2003, 08:47 AM   #101
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I rather have sex with the lesbians
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Old 10-27-2003, 07:48 AM   #102
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Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapeņos -- you never know what's going to burn your ***.
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Old 10-27-2003, 07:48 AM   #103
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I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
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Old 10-27-2003, 07:48 AM   #104
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Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
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Old 10-27-2003, 07:48 AM   #105
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Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there
the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.
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