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Old 10-27-2003, 07:48 AM   #106
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I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
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Old 10-27-2003, 07:49 AM   #107
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Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I
thought to myself, where the **** is the ceiling?
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Old 10-27-2003, 07:49 AM   #108
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My reality check bounced.
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Old 10-27-2003, 07:49 AM   #109
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On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
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Old 10-27-2003, 07:49 AM   #110
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I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier!
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Old 10-27-2003, 07:49 AM   #111
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You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut
butter.
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Old 10-27-2003, 07:49 AM   #112
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Everyone is someone else's weirdo.
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Old 10-27-2003, 07:49 AM   #113
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Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then
beat you with experience.
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Old 10-27-2003, 07:49 AM   #114
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Be careful...a pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a
kick in the butt.
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Old 10-27-2003, 07:49 AM   #115
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Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you won't be
promoted.
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Old 10-27-2003, 07:50 AM   #116
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The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
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Old 10-27-2003, 07:50 AM   #117
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You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a
clipboard.
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Old 10-27-2003, 07:50 AM   #118
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So this isn't Home Sweet Home...adjust.
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Old 10-27-2003, 07:50 AM   #119
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Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!
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Old 10-27-2003, 07:50 AM   #120
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I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
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Old 10-27-2003, 07:50 AM   #121
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Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never
cease to be amused.
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Old 10-27-2003, 07:50 AM   #122
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I'd live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a speed bump
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Old 10-27-2003, 07:50 AM   #123
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What should you give a woman who has everything? A man to show her how to work it!
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Old 10-27-2003, 07:50 AM   #124
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How can you tell which bottle contains her PMS medicine? It's the
one with bite marks on the cap!
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Old 10-27-2003, 08:02 AM   #125
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Can you cry under water?
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Old 10-27-2003, 08:02 AM   #126
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How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
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Old 10-27-2003, 08:02 AM   #127
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If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
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Old 10-27-2003, 08:02 AM   #128
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Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
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Old 10-27-2003, 08:02 AM   #129
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Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a"penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
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Old 10-27-2003, 08:02 AM   #130
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Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
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Old 10-27-2003, 08:02 AM   #131
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Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
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Old 10-27-2003, 08:02 AM   #132
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What did cured ham actually have?
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Old 10-27-2003, 08:02 AM   #133
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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
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Old 10-27-2003, 08:02 AM   #134
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Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
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Old 10-27-2003, 08:02 AM   #135
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If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
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Old 10-27-2003, 08:02 AM   #136
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If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
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Old 10-27-2003, 08:02 AM   #137
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Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
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Old 10-27-2003, 08:03 AM   #138
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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
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Old 10-27-2003, 08:03 AM   #139
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How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
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Old 10-27-2003, 08:03 AM   #140
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Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
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