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Old 09-09-2010, 07:46 PM   #1
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Exclamation Real Men's Test

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet...******..

2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..... 'Killer, come here! I said get your *** over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums! Jeeez, you're so queer.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a ***.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as Tinkerbelle. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too..

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free *** passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.
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Old 09-09-2010, 08:11 PM   #2
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Re: Real Men's Test

Epic.
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Old 09-09-2010, 09:06 PM   #3
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Re: Real Men's Test

Brent the second one is for you lmao.
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Old 09-09-2010, 11:06 PM   #4
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Re: Real Men's Test

Quote:
Originally Posted by Murph View Post
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet...******..

2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..... 'Killer, come here! I said get your *** over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums! Jeeez, you're so queer.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a ***.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as Tinkerbelle. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too..

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free *** passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.
You like talking about gay people too much.
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Old 09-09-2010, 11:15 PM   #5
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Re: Real Men's Test

One of my favorites is:
Dogs are truly mans best friend. If you don't believe it lock your dog and your wife in the trunk for at least a half hour. When you open the trunk, who is happier to see you ?
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Old 09-10-2010, 12:27 AM   #6
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Re: Real Men's Test

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One of my favorites is:
Dogs are truly mans best friend. If you don't believe it lock your dog and your wife in the trunk for at least a half hour. When you open the trunk, who is happier to see you ?
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Old 09-10-2010, 04:32 AM   #7
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Re: Real Men's Test

Quote:
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You like talking about gay people too much.
Must be that leprechaun, pot of gold, rainbow thing. I really do try to avoid it all.

Did I hear you have a cat?
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Old 09-10-2010, 07:11 AM   #8
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Re: Real Men's Test

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Must be that leprechaun, pot of gold, rainbow thing. I really do try to avoid it all.

Did I hear you have a cat?
2
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Old 09-10-2010, 07:22 AM   #9
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Re: Real Men's Test

lol awesome
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Old 09-10-2010, 09:59 AM   #10
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Re: Real Men's Test

I fail at the cat one. In my defense, they are my wife's, but 1 is totally awesome. He was raised with 2 labs so he shares characteristics: happy to see me when I get home, plays fetch, hangs out wherever I go, beats up the less-cool cat especially when she is being a *****
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Old 09-10-2010, 08:43 PM   #11
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Re: Real Men's Test

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I fail at the cat one. In my defense, they are my wife's, but 1 is totally awesome. He was raised with 2 labs so he shares characteristics: happy to see me when I get home, plays fetch, hangs out wherever I go, beats up the less-cool cat especially when she is being a *****
Ya, my wife had a cat that played fetch too. Then something in the cornfield got hungry one night.
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Old 09-10-2010, 08:52 PM   #12
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Re: Real Men's Test

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Must be that leprechaun, pot of gold, rainbow thing. I really do try to avoid it all.

Did I hear you have a cat?
Yep two. Nothing wrong with cats. They are entertaining.
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Old 09-10-2010, 08:57 PM   #13
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Re: Real Men's Test

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Yep two. Nothing wrong with cats. They are entertaining.
I've has a couple in a past life too. Now I stick to dogs. At least they can snap milkbones off of their nose. Like to see a cat do that.
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Old 09-10-2010, 09:01 PM   #14
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Re: Real Men's Test

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I've has a couple in a past life too. Now I stick to dogs. At least they can snap milkbones off of their nose. Like to see a cat do that.
My cats are obsessed with beer bottle caps.

I travel too much and live in an apartment. No way I could have a dog right now.
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Old 09-10-2010, 09:08 PM   #15
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Re: Real Men's Test

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My cats are obsessed with beer bottle caps.

I travel too much and live in an apartment. No way I could have a dog right now.
Those cats must have a little Irish in them.

Reminds me of an old line used on women (not smart ones either):

Hi, do you have any Irish in you? If not, would you like some?
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Old 09-10-2010, 09:08 PM   #16
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Old 09-11-2010, 09:35 AM   #17
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Re: Real Men's Test

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One of my favorites is:
Dogs are truly mans best friend. If you don't believe it lock your dog and your wife in the trunk for at least a half hour. When you open the trunk, who is happier to see you ?
HAHAHAHAHAHA....so true!
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Old 12-21-2010, 05:18 PM   #18
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Oh god I am gonna pee.... Hilarious
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Old 12-21-2010, 09:31 PM   #19
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Re: Real Men's Test

wooooo woooo wooo...i understand everything about this list being legit...but come on you gotta give me ring pops they r soooooo convenient....oh yeah and just sayin pumpkin spice chai tea latte from starbucks friggin awesome...try one and thank me later
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Old 12-22-2010, 08:01 AM   #20
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My cat is really named Killer. Not kidding.
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Old 12-22-2010, 08:03 AM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by junoS197Bl08
wooooo woooo wooo...i understand everything about this list being legit...but come on you gotta give me ring pops they r soooooo convenient....oh yeah and just sayin pumpkin spice chai tea latte from starbucks friggin awesome...try one and thank me later
Hell yes pumpkin chai lattes are great.
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Old 12-22-2010, 08:04 AM   #22
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Re: Real Men's Test

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Hell yes pumpkin chai lattes are great.
hahah i love the passion in this!
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Old 12-22-2010, 08:11 AM   #23
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Quote:
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hahah i love the passion in this!
I'm addicted to Starbucks mochas. I worked there for awhile. They offered me a job because I was there all the time. Haha
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Old 12-22-2010, 09:35 AM   #24
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Dogs rule!!
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Old 12-22-2010, 09:44 AM   #25
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Re: Real Men's Test

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I'm addicted to Starbucks mochas. I worked there for awhile. They offered me a job because I was there all the time. Haha
y

yeah im definately just gunna open up one oneday, prolly save me like a grand a yr on coffee lol

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Dogs rule!!
Loraco if u wanna preach it let em know in this thread, Dogs all the way!

Badass Cat (or dumb?)
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Old 12-22-2010, 09:53 AM   #26
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Quote:
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y

yeah im definately just gunna open up one oneday, prolly save me like a grand a yr on coffee lol

Loraco if u wanna preach it let em know in this thread, Dogs all the way!

Badass Cat (or dumb?)
No preaching here I don't care if your gay not gay like rainbow don't like rainbow, cuties coffee or what you like to DO! Just not dogs bestiality not cool!! Lo!
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Old 12-22-2010, 09:59 AM   #27
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No preaching here I don't care if your gay not gay like rainbow don't like rainbow, cuties coffee or what you like to DO! Just not dogs bestiality not cool!! Lo!
hahaha no i meant the dog thing cuz they are fighting about dogs and cats on that thread
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Old 12-22-2010, 10:01 AM   #28
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Quote:
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hahaha no i meant the dog thing cuz they are fighting about dogs and cats on that thread
Oh got it DOGS RULE!! Even though mine are wimps!
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