Top 10 ******bag cars

[JROC]

This is a fun little checklist, compiled to shed light on that little niche of humanity known as the "car scene". It's here to inform and provide humor based on common stereotypes and cliche's about "car guys" that are almost always embodied by the owners of the following vehicles.


..10 Maserati: This car is in the number 10 spot only because of their lack of prescence on the road. Typical of a mid-30s ******bag, these cars can be found with their either wealthy or stupidly indebted owners driving like complete morons in thick midday traffic. When they aren't trying to impress high school sophomores with their rad fake ferraris they can be found laying black marks into onramps and nearly taking out soccer moms when they fail to signal while playing NASCAR on the highway.


..9 Civic Si: While most civics are owned by sensible motorists just wanting cheap transport, a small group of teenage ******bags, empowered by the fantastic scenes of speed in The Fast and the Fictious have decided that one car stands above all else as a powerhouse road rocket. They have chosen the anemic Civic Si to show the rest of the commuting world just who's boss. With it's stunning 170 HP, these buzzfarting pests can be seen slowly bumbling through traffic, racecar style, sometimes passing on shoulders and turn lanes to prove their macho vehicles are faster than anything they happen to pass, most of the time when no "race" of any sort is taking place.


..8 BMW 3-Series: Everyone's encountered these ******bags on the road. Yuppie with a cell phone up to his ear, crappy eurotrash technomusic blaring, chinese knock-off designer sunglasses on and a pink polo shirt with the collar popped like a pro. This metro******bag has only one thing on his mind when he's driving, and that's proving how big a ******bag he really is to any and all drivers on the road. When you are at an intersection with a lane that ends, he will try to race you to get in front of you, when you are doing 15 over on the freeway, he will pretend to be agitated and floor his mighty 220 HP mill to flyby you and show that his vehicle is meant for autobahn speeds. Apparently the warranty as a clause about a free replacement vehicle if the car is damaged while running a red light or stop sign, regardless of age or mileage, so be careful when these crowning ******bags pull their ultimate driving machine up to the line, they might just cross it!


..7 Dodge Ram: This list wouldn't be complete without the country ******bag cousin. Out of all the trucks, none has spurned a ******bag craze like the Hemi toting ram. With it's big grille, sunburnt, dirty, tattoo'd arm hanging out the window, and a confederate flag adorning the rear window, this truckload of ******baggery will bear down on any little car that happens to be in front of them, tail gating them until they can snarl their overstressed engine to gradually pass by. Loud and awful sounding exhausts along with gun racks and cam seat covers are common place on these rural ****** haulers. Just make sure you have a decent bit of distance between these tailgating SOBs if you decide to brake check these lunatics, trucks aren't known for their ability to stop.


..6 Trans-Am: A hardy choice for a midlevel ******bag, Trans-ams are notorious for their owners complete lack of self control when it comes to showing off their badass plastic muscle car. Revving their obnoxiously loud engines at anything with 4 wheels and an audible engine, these ******bags are always looking for a chance to show off their ******baggery. More often than not, some slack-jawed yokel, upon being called such, will utter phrases like "well what do you drive" or "my ****'s faster'n yours". This boondock ******bag call, while not limited to trans-am drivers, is often followed by a big burnout , no matter how thick the traffic is, and a middle finger. It should be noted, these ******bags appear to network with other ******bags to form ****** convoys.


..5 Camaro SS: The companion ******bag to the trans-am, these ****y bastards have taken a notch above the trans-am because of the ego boost their SS badge gives them. SS, standing for Super Small, is a reference to their penis size. Often the SS ******bag (lol sounds like a ship full of *******s) will try to show off for his inbred girlfriend by racing vehicles that aren't acknowledging a race, or participating in the ******baggery of trans-am owners, as stated above. On top of burnouts, donuts, and being obnoxious, they firmly believe the SS badge of their Camaro gives them super powers over other Camaros, even V8s, inspite of a weight difference not over come by the marginal power difference.


..4 Mustang Cobra: The crowning ******bag of the V8, the mustang cobra reigns supreme in their godlike ******baggery. Cobra ******bags suffer from a Napoleonic complex that their cars are the greatest vehicles ever made. The fact that can be fast is the primary fuel for this ego. However, when these ******bags are bested they fall back on a ******bag cliche as old as time. People who think their car sucks are jealous of it, and wish they could afford the bourgeois pricetag of a $27000-$30000 car. They are also prone to excuse making, from the design of the car, to the fact that some of these ******bags just don't know how to drive them. These are all excuses levied to try and quell the flood of criticism of the small-****ed, arrogant ******bag when they try to show off more than they are able.


..3 Subaru STi: The ******bag mobile for the 21st century is here. Complete with a simulated penis enlarging function that gives the owners of these fugly shopping carts with engines the feeling they are more masculine than they truely are. Again spouting claims of jealous or inability to afford a cheap japanese import, the drivers of these cars are the first all-weather ******bags of the list. Because of mass advertising campaigns, the pinheaded morons driving these cars seem to think that any day, rain, snow, shine, or 3" of glaze ice is race day and will not hesitate to prove this to you, even if it means slamming into a telephone pole on a winter day. On top of that, the turbocharged engine gives these twats a sense of superiority over other vehicles that don't have turbochargers. The ******bags brag about these fascinating pieces of technology, even if they haven't a clue how they work.


..2 Mitsubishi EVO: Thanks to a mass marketed hype, Mitsubishi was able to jump into the ******bag market with the Mitsubishi EVO, an ugly piece of junk that can best be described as a turbocharged chinese takeout box. Because of the hype and aura surrounded by these ******mobiles, their owners think their cars are invincible, able to best every and any car on the road or track, inspite of reality. Again jealousy is an issue with the owners of these rolling dumpsters because we all know people just wish they owned a $30000 Lancer with a hopped up engine. Additional "technology" features (including a massive wing inversely proportional to the owners penis size) attract quasi-intelligent ******bags to these cars because they can pretend to explain how all the useless marketing features actually make their cars fast. Through extensive ******bag networking, a random ******bag always knows some other ******bag who is a friend of a ******bag with an Evo that runs single digits in the quarter mile. This information is b ogus, and often imparted by a ******bag trying to impress non-******bags about a hyped up ******mobile that he doesn't own. Races with these uber-fast EVOs never materialize either. Fortunately, the hype on these vehicles is fading away, but egos remain higher than ever as a result, with ******bags desperate to prove how badass they can be by racing anything on the road.


and now...


The Number 1 ******bag Vehicle of All


Dodge Neon SRT4: The ultimate in ******baggery vehicles. A worthless turd of a vehicle, slapped together by the company that brought you the Ram, comes a ******mobile of unimaginable proportions. There is not a single owner of these vehicles that isnt faithful to the ******bag way of life. Whether it's talking up their slow piece of crap and never running it, making every excuse from the ******bag rolodex of BS reasons why they won't race or lost a race, or simply doing childish ******bag things like weaving, blowing through redlights, flooring it at every opportunity, burnouts in traffic, revving at cars two lanes over and in front of them, racing in traffic, nearly rear ending cars, losing control and flying off a road while attempting to race a car that wasn't race, NASCAR impersonations, trying to show off to their ugly girlfriend how macho they are by being a complete moron, pretending parking lots are rally tracks, and thinking they have the fastest car ever built, SRT4 owners do it all. They are world class, award winning, grade A ******bags that need to be stomped, laughed at, outrun, and outdone in every car related anything they bring their pieces of crap too. Even Dodge thought they created a ******bag monster they couldn't control so they axed it. Above it all, these ******bags are in intense denial about one thing: THEY DRIVE NEONS. Neons will never be cool, respectable, awesome, attractive, or have a legacy other than being pre-form scrap metal. ****** on SRT4 owners, ****** on!
__________________

[DarkShadow]

[ThaWill]

this would be funny if i was in the third grade

[Cajun JungleBoy]

thats fricken funny

[JROC]

ThaWill, the new ME ******bag.

Infact your new name shall be Tha******bag.

[ThaWill]

and your name can be ****ing ****** ****heel

[Brent]

This thread is awesome

[JROC]

Originally Posted by ThaWill

and your name can be ****ing ****** ****heel

My name shall be "I'm all up in your moma's nasty *****, *****."

[FattyMcFaterson]

:woo:


Thank you for letting all the ******bags know who they are! Srt-4 blows. End of story.

[wiarumas]

haha thats great. i agreed with a lot of it.

[ridenmystang]

Thats funny haha

[bullitt482]

Originally Posted by JROC

ThaWill, the new ME ******bag.

Infact your new name shall be Tha******bag.

I 200 percent agree with you. This man also said that even Foxbody people want chevy motors in they're fox.


As for the thread. *breathes*

Awesome find Jroc!

[bbunt302]

Originally Posted by ThaWill

this would be funny if i was in the third grade

Says the man with whatever the hell that is in his avatar in his avatar.

[Thomas91169]

i think its a ninja turtle on a diet with an axe.

[Brent]

Originally Posted by bbunt302

Says the man with whatever the hell that is in his avatar in his avatar.

[wiarumas]

Originally Posted by bbunt302

Says the man with whatever the hell that is in his avatar in his avatar.

and a third grade comeback. i think a "your mom" would be more mature than a "****ing ****** ****heel" ..whatever that is lol.

i have no room to talk tho.. i have a penguin fraggin my car in my sig lol.

[bluemustang]

thats awesome, gotta show my friends this

[04MonteSS]

I am glad yet somewhat disappointed that the Monte Carlo isnt up on the list, I mean there has to be a ******bag NASCAR fanatic that revs his motor at every car he sees and just thinks to himself "I am a ****ing bad ass like Dale Earnheart"

[bullitt482]

Originally Posted by 04MonteSS

I am glad yet somewhat disappointed that the Monte Carlo isnt up on the list, I mean there has to be a ******bag NASCAR fanatic that revs his motor at every car he sees and just thinks to himself "I am a ****ing bad ass like Dale Earnheart"

Your car can be the number 11.

[silverstangboy]

the list is backwards though, 8,9 and 10 should be at the top.

[JROC]

Originally Posted by silverstangboy

the list is backwards though, 8,9 and 10 should be at the top.

IDK those SRT-4 boys are pretty bad.

[ThaWill]

my avatar is grom'tor, orcish hero of the horde you retards GET WITH THE TIMES

even wiarumas's mom knew that





also, i was pretty drunk when i posted that, i don't even know what a ****heel is, but they say you always tell the truth when you are drunk so i'm standing by my original position

[JROC]

Originally Posted by ThaWill

my avatar is grom'tor, orcish hero of the horde you retards GET WITH THE TIMES

even wiarumas's mom knew that





also, i was pretty drunk when i posted that, i don't even know what a ****heel is, but they say you always tell the truth when you are drunk so i'm standing by my original position

They say I always tell the true when I'm sober so I still say you are the ME ******bag. Tha******bag.

[MarkuzLS1]

Such vicious insults.

[ThaWill]

It took me less than 100 posts to become the top dog! :woo:

[DarkShadow]

Only because Tape got the ban.t/ stick...

[ThaWill]

cheating my way to the top by a technicality is fine by me, i am a huge (the) ******bag after all!

[MonteCitan]

lmao that's great

They left out the G35/350z combo though Oh and don't forget the Audi drivers...