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Old 11-12-2003, 06:55 AM   #1
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11/12/03 ---> Today's Humor

An escaped convict, imprisoned for murder, had spent 25 years of his life sentence in prison. While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed. He got on the bed right over the woman, and it appeared he was kissing her neck. Suddenly he got up and left the room. As soon as possible the husband made his way across the room to his bride, his chair in tow, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing on your neck and then he left in a hurry. Just cooperate and do anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives depend on it! Be strong and I love you." After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half naked wife says, "Dear, I'm so relieved you feel that way. You're right, he hasn't seen a woman in years, but he wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He said he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong and I love you, too."
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Old 11-12-2003, 06:55 AM   #2
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A man fell asleep on the beach under the midday sun and suffered a severe sunburn to his legs. He was taken to the hospital. His skin had turned a bright red and was very painful and had started to blister. Anything that touched his legs caused agony. The doctor prescribed continued intravenous feedings of water and electrolytes, a mild sedative and Viagra. Rather astounded, the nurse inquired, "What good will Viagra do him in that condition?" The doctor replied, "It will keep the sheet off of his legs."
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Old 11-12-2003, 06:56 AM   #3
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This Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. "Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm?" She told him, "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm." Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?" She replied, "Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her." "And why is my other sister called Moonchild?" The mother said, "We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived." Mother Indian paused and asked her son, "Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you asking so many questions today?"
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Old 11-12-2003, 06:56 AM   #4
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One night, Joey's father is walking down the hall to go to bed, and he hears Joey saying his prayers before bedtime. "God bless Mommy and Daddy and Grandma, goodbye Grandpa." The father doesn't think anything of it, until the next day, when the Grandfather drops dead. Two weeks later, he again hears Joey saying his prayers. "God bless Mommy and Daddy, goodbye Grandma." Sure enough, the next day, Grandma drops dead. A week later, the father again hears Joey's prayers. "God bless Mommy, goodbye Daddy." Now the father is really worried. He goes to work the next day, but can't get anything done, because he's afraid he's going to drop dead at any moment. He stays at work late into the evening, afraid that if he goes home, he'll get in a car accident, or have a heart attack once he gets there. Finally, after midnight, he drives home, thinking, "I made it, it's after midnight, I'm not going to die." When he gets home, he apologizes to his wife, telling her he had a really bad day at work, and that he had to work late, and he's sorry for making her worry. She looks at him and says, "You think you had a bad day? The mailman dropped dead on the doorstep today!"
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Old 11-12-2003, 06:59 AM   #5
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A man phones home from his office and tells his wife, "Something has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up." He goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off. A week later he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip, dear?" He says, "Oh yes, great. But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas." His wife smiles and says, "Oh, no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box!"
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Old 11-12-2003, 08:47 PM   #6
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Old 11-12-2003, 10:41 PM   #7
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funny stuff
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Old 11-13-2003, 07:57 PM   #8
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roflmao HAHAHHAHAHA, i only read the first.. but thats ****in great man
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Old 11-13-2003, 09:07 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ken
A man phones home from his office and tells his wife, "Something has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up." He goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off. A week later he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip, dear?" He says, "Oh yes, great. But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas." His wife smiles and says, "Oh, no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box!"
that one is no funny.
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