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Old 02-04-2013, 04:59 PM   #1
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funny sayings :)

hope this is not a repost and if it is sorry
but i love funny sayings and thought i would share some and hopefully yall will share some too

If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don't hit me again officer...

Women are like police, they can have all the evidence in the world but they still want a confession.



That awkward moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto-correct is like 'I got nothing, man.'



If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.

If I found out I only had a week to live, and could go anywhere in the world, I think I'd go to the hospital because that sounds serious.

Good choice putting $4,000 rims on your 1998 Honda Civic. That's like Betty White going out and getting her tits done.
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Old 02-04-2013, 05:08 PM   #2
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Oh this threads gonna be good
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Old 02-04-2013, 05:11 PM   #3
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.... I created a funny sayings thread before you did!! Didnt get very many posts i think it only got to at least 2 pages if not less...... Hope yours goes well
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Old 02-04-2013, 05:15 PM   #4
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Lol I like the female cop one
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Old 02-04-2013, 06:30 PM   #5
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Me 2
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Old 02-04-2013, 06:40 PM   #6
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Do you like tapes andCDs?!? Because imma tape this dick to your forehead so you can CDs nuts lol
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Old 02-05-2013, 07:57 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Robbiemustang96 View Post
Do you like tapes andCDs?!? Because imma tape this dick to your forehead so you can CDs nuts lol
lmao
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Old 02-05-2013, 08:01 AM   #8
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How do we know 'Google' is a woman? It's always interrupting and trying to finish your sentences for you..
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Old 02-05-2013, 08:03 AM   #9
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Bahahaha!
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Old 02-05-2013, 08:08 AM   #10
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I'm not saying she was stupid, but I asked her how to spell Mississippi and she said 'the river or the state?'

When my girlfriend and I fight, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house. Just so I can say "Oh yeah, you need me NOW, huh?"

Every gay guys GPS system would tell him to Go straight. haha

Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.

Does a prostitude file pregnancy as a work-related accident?

Cop: Ma'am, what's in the bottle? Me: Just some water. Cop: Ma'am that's wine... Me: Jesus did it again!! amen!!!

It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.
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Old 02-05-2013, 08:17 AM   #11
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I'm not saying she was stupid, but I asked her how to spell Mississippi and she said 'the river or the state?'

When my girlfriend and I fight, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house. Just so I can say "Oh yeah, you need me NOW, huh?"

Every gay guys GPS system would tell him to Go straight. haha

Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.

Does a prostitude file pregnancy as a work-related accident?

Cop: Ma'am, what's in the bottle? Me: Just some water. Cop: Ma'am that's wine... Me: Jesus did it again!! amen!!!

It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.
LMAO at the cop and the woman.
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Old 02-05-2013, 11:02 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Robbiemustang96 View Post
Do you like tapes andCDs?!? Because imma tape this dick to your forehead so you can CDs nuts lol
I died in class :'( lol
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Old 02-05-2013, 03:25 PM   #13
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IKR!!! Lmao
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Old 02-05-2013, 03:31 PM   #14
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"I'm sorry officer, but if you caught me you were speeding too!"

Cracked
Heads
Every
Valve
Rattles
Oil
Leaks
Every
Time

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Old 02-05-2013, 03:40 PM   #15
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Dear Face Wash Commercials, nobody actually splashes their face with water like that. Sincerely, my whole damn bathroom floor is wet.

Apple was considering making an iPod for kids but apparently, the name 'iTouch Kids' didn't sit too well.

I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: 'Thanks for coming.'

I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, 'I'd so tap that.'

Everything is made in China. Except for babies. They are made in VaChina.

I wonder if Buzz and Woody ever met some of Andy's mom's toys. Especially since they probably have the same names... lmfao

New condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she's going to get your paychecks.

I failed my Driver's test. Driving teacher: 'What do you do at a red light?' Me: 'I usually respond to texts and check my Facebook.
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Old 02-05-2013, 03:44 PM   #16
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New condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she's going to get your paychecks.


Lol I died.
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Old 02-05-2013, 07:55 PM   #17
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I'm happier than Christina aguilars draws on their day off!
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Old 02-05-2013, 08:55 PM   #18
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Girls are good drives

---------- Post added at 06:55 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:55 PM ----------

Men belong in the kitchen
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Old 02-05-2013, 09:18 PM   #19
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Sometimes I'm the bug sometimes I'm the windsheild
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Old 02-06-2013, 05:02 PM   #20
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Saw a Chinese kid and a black kid wave to each other today. It gave me hope...for another Rush Hour movie...

I don't see why everybody wants a white iPhone. Everyone knows the black one runs faster.

Whenever you're feeling down, remember; you're the sperm that won.



When I found out that Snooki got a book deal I was more confused than a blind lesbian at a fish market.



I'm not saying she's a slut but whenever she eats a banana in public, she puts one hand behind her head.



Just saw a homeless guy sleeping in a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. It must be his alarm system.



I'm going to change my Facebook name to Benefits so when you add someone it'll say 'You are now friends with benefits!'



My girlfriend caught me blow drying my penis...She asked what was I doing. Apparently, 'heating up your dinner' wasn't a sexy answer.



Birth control pills should probably be made for men. Doesn't it make more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest?

---------- Post added at 05:00 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:56 PM ----------

Girls are the best vehicles in the world because:
2 beautiful headlights in front,
2 great bumbers at the back,
self-lubricating when hot,
finger touch ignition
automatic engine oil change every month.
any type of pistons fit,
multiple seating styles & adjustments.
great accessories,
automatic and manuall drive from both sides.
ready 4 test drive any time..

---------- Post added at 05:02 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:00 PM ----------

I'm not saying she's a slut, but I tried to put her name as my password and it said 'Error: too easy
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Old 02-07-2013, 08:47 AM   #21
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What's the last thing that goes through a bugs head as it hits your windshield? His ***!!
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Old 02-07-2013, 10:10 AM   #22
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What's the last thing that goes through a bugs head as it hits your windshield? His ***!!
lol
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Old 02-07-2013, 02:30 PM   #23
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I think the woman who invented the phrase 'All Men Are The Same' was a chinese woman who lost her husband in the crowd.



If a bra is called an 'Over the shoulder bolder holder,' then would you call men's underwear 'Under the butt nut hut?'



Hey Vegetarians, my food ****s on your food.



Look officer, I'm not being a smartass. All I'm sayin' is if you caught me then you were speeding too.



Why do tests on animals if we have pedophiles in prison.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road.
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Old 02-07-2013, 02:35 PM   #24
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Bahahahah!!!
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Old 02-07-2013, 05:23 PM   #25
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(when your having a bad day)

If it was raining ***** outside I'd get hit in the head with a dick...

---------- Post added at 06:23 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:21 PM ----------

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(when your having a bad day)

If it was raining puss* outside I'd get hit in the head with a dick...
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Old 02-07-2013, 06:50 PM   #26
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My Buddy asked me if I enjoyed Fight Club



I Punched him in the face for breaking the first 2 rules of Fight Club
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Old 02-07-2013, 06:59 PM   #27
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My Buddy asked me if I enjoyed Fight Club

I Punched him in the face for breaking the first 2 rules of Fight Club
Hahaha
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Old 02-08-2013, 01:30 PM   #28
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(when your having a bad day)

If it was raining ***** outside I'd get hit in the head with a dick...

---------- Post added at 06:23 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:21 PM ----------

lmao
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