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Old 12-16-2003, 12:39 PM   #1
Ken
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Hell is cruel

There were two brothers. One was very good and tried to always live right
and be helpful. His brother on the other hand was bad and did all the things
that men should not do in life and didn't care who he hurt.

The bad brother died. He was still missed by his brother since he loved him
despite his ways.

Finally, years later, the good brother died and went to
Heaven.

Everything was beautiful and wonderful there, and he was very happy. One day
he asked God where his brother was, as he hadn't seen him there.

God said that he was sorry but his brother lived a terrible
life and went to Hell instead. The good brother then asked God if there was
any way for him to see his brother.

So God gave him the power of vision to see into Hell and there was his
brother. He was sitting on a bench with a keg of beer under one arm and a
gorgeous blonde on the other.
Confused, the good brother said to God, "I am so happy that you let me into
Heaven with you. It is so beautiful here and I love it.
But I don't understand, if my brother was bad enough to go to Hell, why does
he have the keg of beer and a gorgeous blonde? It hardly seems like a
punishment".

God said unto him, "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has
a hole in it; the blonde does not."
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Old 12-16-2003, 12:40 PM   #2
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Ancient Chinese Torture


A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."
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Old 12-16-2003, 12:41 PM   #3
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As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches
up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck,
and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window,
and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are
losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and
proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl
catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up
and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the
window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says
brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing
some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and
continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens
again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her
car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker
lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is
Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and
races to the next light. When he stops this time, he
hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the
blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it,
he says...

"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in New England, and
I'm driving the damn SALT TRUCK!
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Old 12-16-2003, 01:29 PM   #4
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Old 12-16-2003, 03:45 PM   #5
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Good jokes!
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