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Old 01-27-2004, 07:14 AM   #1
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Today's Thread --> 1/27/04

This has got to be one of the best singles ads I've ever read. The
following ad in The Atlanta Journal is reported to have received
numerous calls:

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.
I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in
the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing
trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candle light dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy.



Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane
Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador Retriever. Men are so easy!
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Old 01-27-2004, 07:15 AM   #2
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Why do men die first? This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries...... but now we know.

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race...you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework...you're a pansy.
If you work too hard...there's never any time for her.
If you don't work enough...you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay...this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay.....you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her.....that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you......it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks......it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet..........it's male indifference.
If you cry............you're a wimp.
If you don't........you're an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her......... you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you...... she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy....... that's domination.
If SHE asks you.........it's a favor.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear...... you're a pervert.
If you don't..............you're gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape..............you're sexist.
If you don't.................you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape................you're vain.
If you don't................you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers.............you're after something.
If you don't....................you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements........ you're full of yourself.
If you don't....................you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache............she's tired.
If you have a headache.............you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often.........you're oversexed.
If you don't..........there must be someone else.

Men die first because they want to.
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Old 01-27-2004, 07:15 AM   #3
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hahahahahaha
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Old 01-27-2004, 07:16 AM   #4
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If you were buying candy and you had your choice of
the following, which would you choose?

BABY RUTH
3 MUSKETEERS
BUTTERFINGER
SNICKERS
HERSHEY'S
ALMOND JOY
CLARK BAR
REESES PEANUT BUTTER CUPS
ENERGY BAR
CHOCOLATE COATED RAISINS




OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what
research says about You!

STOP - - NO .... you can't change your mind once
you scroll down! So think carefully what your choice
will be!!!**




BABY RUTH ... Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all
warm fuzzy items. A little nutty. Sometimes you need
an ice cream cone at the end of the day.

3 MUSKETEERS ... You are adventurous, love new
ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons.
When tempers flare up, you whip out your saber.

BUTTERFINGER ... Smooth, sexy, & articulate with
your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker
and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same
time.

SNICKERS . Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Everyone
enjoys being around you, but you are a practical
joker, however, you are a friend for life.

HERSHEY'S ... Romantic, warm, loving. You care
about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt.

ALMOND JOY ... Sexy, always ready to give and
receive, very energetic, and really likes to get into life.
The opposite sex is always attracted to you.

CLARK BAR ... You like sports, whether baseball,
football, basketball, or soccer. If you could,
you would like to participate, but enjoy watching
sports. You don't like to give up the remote control.

REESES PEANUT BUTTER CUPS ..You are a very fun
loving person, who
likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like
to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person.

ENERGY BAR .. Life is passing you by. Get a life!
Go eat a plum.

CHOCOLATE COATED RAISINS .. You go to the bathroom often.
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Old 01-27-2004, 07:17 AM   #5
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PHARMACY 1
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the
aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can
help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons
for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few
minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a
ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I
thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my
wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she
came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers;
cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper.So..... I figure if I
have to roll my own ............ so does she.
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Old 01-27-2004, 07:17 AM   #6
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PHARMACY 2
A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for
some arsenic. He asks "What for?" She says "I want to kill
my husband." He says "Sorry, I can't do that." She then
reaches into her handbag and pulls out a photo of her
husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to
him. He says, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription..."
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Old 01-27-2004, 07:25 AM   #7
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An accountant gets home late one night and his wife says, "Where the hell have you been?" He replies, 'I was out getting a tattoo." "A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?" "I got a hundred dollar bill on my penis," he said proudly.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar
bill on his penis?"

"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow," he began.
"Two, once in a while, I like to play with my money... Three, I like
how money feels in my hand... And lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!!!
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Old 01-27-2004, 11:01 AM   #8
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Damn you got some funny stuff
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Old 01-27-2004, 01:01 PM   #9
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Ha ha awesome Ken
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Old 01-27-2004, 04:52 PM   #10
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King Ken strikes again!! Heard a few of them already, but none-the-less... THAT'S GOOD STUFF
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Parts for Sale VERY CHEAP!

SOLD - White Cobra rims, rear GT swaybar, ASP UD pulley, cleared headlights, full-length Densecharger, red calipers, MustangWorld billet grille, true dual exhaust w/ flowmaster 40's, MAC lowering springs (front), raised gas pedal, MSD 8.5mm spark plug wires, GT foglights, Steeda Tri-ax
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