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Old 02-05-2004, 06:05 AM   #1
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Today's Thread --> 2/5/04

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NA¤VE
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:05 AM   #2
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Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:06 AM   #3
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OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:06 AM   #4
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea ....does that mean that one person enjoys it?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:06 AM   #5
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There are three religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:06 AM   #6
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:06 AM   #7
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:06 AM   #8
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Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:06 AM   #9
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Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:07 AM   #10
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If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:07 AM   #11
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If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:07 AM   #12
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When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your Two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:07 AM   #13
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Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:07 AM   #14
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Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:07 AM   #15
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When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:07 AM   #16
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:07 AM   #17
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Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:07 AM   #18
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:07 AM   #19
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:08 AM   #20
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"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence.
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:08 AM   #21
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:08 AM   #22
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If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:08 AM   #23
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Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:08 AM   #24
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:08 AM   #25
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me, they're cramming for their final exam.
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:08 AM   #26
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered: what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:09 AM   #27
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:09 AM   #28
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If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:09 AM   #29
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:09 AM   #30
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No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:09 AM   #31
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Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:09 AM   #32
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:09 AM   #33
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:09 AM   #34
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Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
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Old 02-05-2004, 06:10 AM   #35
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The REAL Reason Man Invented Duct Tape!!



A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 mile per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly from the passenger seat, "Now don't be silly, dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, " You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did." As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut."
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says," Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
"Oh, heavens no, officer. Only when he's been drinking."
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