How to tell the sex of a Fly - Mustang Evolution

Go Back   Mustang Evolution > Off Topic Forums > The Bar



Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Please support our sponsors and let them know you heard about them here!
Old 03-19-2004, 12:18 PM   #1
Ken
Legacy Member
Legacy
 
Ken's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Region: New Hampshire
Posts: 1,350
How to tell the sex of a Fly

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking
around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
Ken is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 03-19-2004, 12:19 PM   #2
Ken
Legacy Member
Legacy
 
Ken's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Region: New Hampshire
Posts: 1,350
A man wanted a big, ferocious dog to protect his business, so he visited a kennel that specializes in attack dogs. The man explained to the kennel owner that he wanted the biggest, meanest, most vicious dog in the kennel, and the owner offered to take the man on a tour of the premises.


After they had been walking for a few minutes, they came upon a large dog. He was snarling loudly and biting and clawing at the cage.


"He looks like he'd be a pretty good attack dog," said the buyer.


"Well, he's not bad," replied the owner, "but I have something better in mind for you."


They continued walking around the premises, and after a while they found an even larger, meaner dog than the first He snarled at the two men and tried to bite them through the wire on his cage.


"Ah," said the buyer. "This must be the dog you were referring to earlier."


"Well, no." said the owner. "I have something better in mind for you."


The men continued their tour. Eventually, they came upon a fairly large dog that was lying quietly on his side, licking his butt. He did not seem to notice as the men approached.


"This is the dog I had in mind for you," said the owner.


The buyer was flabbergasted. "You're joking!" he exclaimed


"This dog seems quite tame; he doesn't act at all like an attack dog at all. Hell, he's just lying there, licking his ***!"


"I know, I know," said the owner. "But you see, he just ate a lawyer, and he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth."
Ken is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2004, 12:20 PM   #3
Ken
Legacy Member
Legacy
 
Ken's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Region: New Hampshire
Posts: 1,350
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.


I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.


I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just
jackasses.


I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes
suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.


I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.


I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.


I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.


I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are
celebrities.


I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your
house, one of your kids did it.


I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the *** are permanent.
Ken is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 03-19-2004, 12:21 PM   #4
Ken
Legacy Member
Legacy
 
Ken's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Region: New Hampshire
Posts: 1,350
An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and
explore the city on his own.


He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a
quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint
of Guinness.


After awhile, he finds himself in a very high class neighborhood....
big, stately residences... no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of
all.... NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.


He really, really has to go, after all that Guinness. He finds a narrow
side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and
decides to use the wall to solve his problem.


As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobbie,
who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."


"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really
HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public restroom."


"Ah, yes," said the Bobbie..."Just follow me". He leads him to a back
"delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate, which he opens.


"In there," points the Bobbie. "Whiz away,... anywhere you want."


The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has
ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured
hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.


Since he has the cop's blessing, he zips down and unburdens himself and
is greatly relieved.


As he goes back through the gate, he says to the Bobbie "That was
really decent of you ... is that "British Hospitality ?"


"No" replied the Bobbie, with a satisfied smile on his face, "that is
the French Embassy."
Ken is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2004, 12:22 PM   #5
Registered Member
Regular
 
tire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 941
Send a message via AIM to tire
good jokes, i like it when you post them, keep it up!

tire is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2004, 12:22 PM   #6
Ken
Legacy Member
Legacy
 
Ken's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Region: New Hampshire
Posts: 1,350
Forgive Your Enemies



The preacher's, Sunday sermon was,"Forgive Your Enemies."



He asked, how many have forgiven their enemies?



About half held up their hands.



He then repeated his question.



Now about 80 percent held up their hands.



He then repeated his question.



All responded, except one elderly lady.



"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"



"I don't have any."



"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"



"Ninety-three." She replied.




"Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how
a person cannot have an enemy in the world."



The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, and said:



"It's easy, I just outlived those *****es."
Ken is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2004, 02:43 PM   #7
Registered Member
Regular
 
Join Date: May 2003
Region: New Hampshire
Posts: 386
Send a message via AIM to Smokedya95stang
lol
__________________
-Charles
Smokedya95stang is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2004, 02:51 PM   #8
Registered User
Regular
 
Brent's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Region: Tennessee
Posts: 11,873
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ken
An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and
explore the city on his own.


He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a
quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint
of Guinness.


After awhile, he finds himself in a very high class neighborhood....
big, stately residences... no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of
all.... NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.


He really, really has to go, after all that Guinness. He finds a narrow
side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and
decides to use the wall to solve his problem.


As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobbie,
who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."


"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really
HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public restroom."


"Ah, yes," said the Bobbie..."Just follow me". He leads him to a back
"delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate, which he opens.


"In there," points the Bobbie. "Whiz away,... anywhere you want."


The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has
ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured
hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.


Since he has the cop's blessing, he zips down and unburdens himself and
is greatly relieved.


As he goes back through the gate, he says to the Bobbie "That was
really decent of you ... is that "British Hospitality ?"


"No" replied the Bobbie, with a satisfied smile on his face, "that is
the French Embassy."
lmao
__________________

Reddit
Brent is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2004, 03:31 PM   #9
Legacy Member
Legacy
 
Falcon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Region: Michigan
Posts: 1,438
Send a message via AIM to Falcon Send a message via MSN to Falcon Send a message via Yahoo to Falcon
Thumbs up

where u get all of those jokes?? good ones
__________________
-Derek
1999 Trans Am WS6
Full Stainless Magnaflow Exhaust, Stainless Longtubes/Off Road Y-Pipe, QTP E-Cutout, HP Tuners, Super Sucker Ram Air Kit, BMR Tunnel Brace/Driveshaft Safety Loop, Hotchkis Panhard Bar, Hypertech 160 Thermostat, CF Whisper Air Lid, Corvette FRCs, K&N, !AIR, !EGR
Falcon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2004, 07:29 PM   #10
I liek gramer
Legacy
 
WhiteStang99's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Region: Florida
Posts: 8,537
Send a message via AIM to WhiteStang99
haha those are great. the french embassy one was the best. lmao at that one
WhiteStang99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Lower Navigation
Go Back   Mustang Evolution > Off Topic Forums > The Bar

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Too sexy to fly? n8r Pictures and Videos 22 09-09-2007 07:00 PM
Ever wanted to do a ricer fly by? PureVenom Pictures and Videos 3 02-02-2007 04:16 PM
Will it Fly? Thomas91169 The Bar 22 12-12-2005 02:37 PM
F-16's Night Fly Hoover The Bar 14 08-26-2004 07:55 AM
My fly whip 93Snake The Bar 8 04-17-2004 10:11 AM

» Like Us On Facebook



03:13 AM


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0

MustangEvolution.com is in no way associated with or endorsed by Ford Motor Company.