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Old 04-30-2004, 12:00 PM   #1
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Lite Reading

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier...I put them in the same room and let them fight it out...
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:00 PM   #2
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I put instant coffee in my microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:00 PM   #3
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I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone.
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:00 PM   #4
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If you shoot a Mime, should you use a silencer?
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:00 PM   #5
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I live on a one-way dead-end street. I can never leave.
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:00 PM   #6
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"When I woke up this morning my wife asked me 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:01 PM   #7
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"I lost a button hole today."
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:01 PM   #8
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"I collect rare photographs... I have one of Houdini locking his keys in his car."
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:01 PM   #9
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"I bought some batteries... but they weren't included... so I had to buy them again..."
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:01 PM   #10
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:01 PM   #11
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I was walking down the street and all of a sudden the prescription for my eye-glasses ran out ....
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:01 PM   #12
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I installed a skylight in my apartment.... The people who live above me are furious!
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:02 PM   #13
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Power outage at a department store yesterday, Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:02 PM   #14
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What's another word for thesaurus?
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:02 PM   #15
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said "Didn't you see the stop sign." I said "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read."
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:02 PM   #16
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I used to work at a factory where they made hydrants; but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:02 PM   #17
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I just bought a microwave fireplace... You can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes...
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:02 PM   #18
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I've got some powdered water, but I don't know what to add.
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:03 PM   #19
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:03 PM   #20
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I was pulled over for speeding today. The officer said, "Don't you know the speed limit is 55 miles an hour?" I replied, "Yes, but I wasn't going to be out that long.
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:03 PM   #21
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier, they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:04 PM   #22
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I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:04 PM   #23
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I went fishing with a dotted line...I caught every other fish.
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:04 PM   #24
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I have a friend name Dennis. Both his parents are midgets, but not Dennis. He's a midget dwarf. He's the guy who poses for trophies.
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:04 PM   #25
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street, and...........ooooohhhhhh, that's much better...
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:04 PM   #26
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The other day I was playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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Old 04-30-2004, 02:02 PM   #27
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Looks like somebody got a hold of some Steven Wright quotes!
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Old 04-30-2004, 02:11 PM   #28
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lol @ this thread.
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Old 04-30-2004, 06:16 PM   #29
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post whore...
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Old 04-30-2004, 07:01 PM   #30
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bajaja @ ken

always good for a chuckle
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Old 05-01-2004, 12:52 AM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shahrum
post whore...
I agree
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Old 05-01-2004, 07:43 AM   #32
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I resemble that remark!
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Old 05-01-2004, 11:26 AM   #33
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Haha, those are pretty funny. Now, reference your sources and crunch it down to one post, you post-whoring plagarist.
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