Lying Sacks of "SU" - Mustang Evolution

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Old 06-29-2004, 02:56 PM   #1
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Lying Sacks of "SU"

This was something I found on one of my favorite sites. This guy cracks me up. Instead of posting the link, I thought I would just post the page! If you are interested in reading more of his stuff, go to www.thesneeze.com

Lying Sacks of "SU"


Our microwave broke the other day. Technically it still worked, but I couldn't get it to turn off. That's not good because most foods don't need to be cooked forever.

In celebration of our new microwave, I bought some microwave popcorn -- Orville Redenbacher's "Kettle Korn." If you've never had real Kettle Corn, it's kinda salty and kinda sweet, and more than kinda good.

The microwave version tasted okay, but there was something just faintly off about it. I looked at the ingredients and I saw that it wasn't sweetened with sugar, but with "sucralose." Sucralose also goes by the brandname Splenda.

I was a little annoyed by this because I'm not a big fan of artificial sweeteners. I don't avoid them at all cost, but I still don't fully trust them. (You may remember when I wrote about that freaky Nutrasweet Lady.) By the way, the name Nutrasweet is hilarious to me. NUTRA-sweet. Like it is somehow a combo of "Nutritious" and "Sweet." It might be sweet, but there ain't nothin' NUTRA in there.

I do realize that Splenda is supposedly made from real sugar. Guess what: my poo is made from real food, too. I still don't suggest you sprinkle it on your cornflakes, but I digress...

Back to the Kettle Corn-- you'd think they might have given me a little heads up on the box that this product wasn't sweetened with sugar. But it says nothing about that.

The next time I was at the store I wanted to see if I could find a brand of microwave kettle corn that didn't use sucralose. I saw a box of ACT II KETTLE CORN -- "Old-Fashioned Sweet & Salty Popcorn." It even had a pleasant illustration of a kettle with big burlap sacks of sugar and salt behind it. Awesome. I read the ingredients: SUCRALOSE. What the F?!

I looked at the illustration again and saw that the word SALT was clearly in full view. But the word SUGAR was blocked by the kettle, so all you could see was "SU." How convenient. I suppose their argument would be that the kettle is actually blocking the word "SUCRALOSE." And we all know there's nothing better than the ol' fashioned flavor of a giant sack of sucralose. Sneaky popcorn bastards.


Instead of the "SU" they should just change it to "F. U." I think that's what the illustration is really trying to say to me, anyway.

(Incidentally, every brand of microwave kettle corn I checked used sucralose, whether it was low-fat or not.)
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Old 06-29-2004, 04:31 PM   #2
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Old 06-29-2004, 06:17 PM   #3
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worthless thread
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Old 06-29-2004, 10:00 PM   #4
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Quote:
I do realize that Splenda is supposedly made from real sugar. Guess what: my poo is made from real food, too. I still don't suggest you sprinkle it on your cornflakes, but I digress...
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Old 06-29-2004, 10:03 PM   #5
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funny thread
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Old 06-29-2004, 10:32 PM   #6
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holy crap that site is hilarious
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Old 06-30-2004, 08:01 AM   #7
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this thread is funny. that part about the poo is funny as hell. that got a real lol from me.
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