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Old 08-26-2004, 03:47 PM   #1
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Fellow Mustang lovers,

I am John Kerry

I am John Kerry I was against the first Iraq war, I am against the second Iraq war, but I voted for it. Now I'm against it but I was for it. I support the UN. I'm against terrorism and against the Iraq war. But I voted for the Iraq war. So, I voted against the first war and supported the second war, wait...

I'm against gay marriage but for gay unions. I support gays but think the SF mayor is wrong. I support gay marriages. No, wait, gay unions.

I'm Catholic. Wait, I'm Jewish. My dad was Jewish. But I was raised Catholic. What am I? I don't want to confuse people.

I am for abortions, but wait, I'm Catholic, and Catholics are pro-life. But I might consider putting pro-life judges in office, but I'm not sure. I do know I voted for a pro-life judge, but I stated that it was a mistake.

I went to Vietnam. But I was against Vietnam. I testified against fellow US troops in Vietnam, threw my medals away and led others to do the same. But I am a war hero. Against the war.

I stated I threw my medals away then I threw my ribbons away. I then revealed that I threw my ribbons away but not my medals, then lately I stated that I threw someone else's medals away and never threw anything of mine away.

I believe Ribbons and medals aren't the same thing. Medals come with ribbons, so now I believe that ribbons and medals are the same thing besides the fact that ribbons are cloth and medals are metal.

I wrote a book that pictured the US flag upside-down on its cover. But now I fly and campaign in a plane with a large flag right-side up on it. But sometimes, we fly upside-down for fun.

Yasser Arafat is a hero and a statesman. The Israelis shouldn't kill Palestinian terrorists, but they should stop terrorism. Yasser Arafat is a terrorist supporter. I support Mid East peace.

I am for the common man, unlike Bush. I am against the rich. But my family is worth 300 million dollars has a jet and many SUVs. I am the common man.

I am against sending jobs overseas. My wife is a Heinz heir. Heinz has most factories offshore. I am against rewarding companies for exporting jobs as long as it is not Heinz.

I own $1 million in Wal-Mart stock. I believe Wal-Mart is evil by driving small business owners out of town. I am a capitalist and I own part of Wal-Mart but I am a good guy for small corporate America.

I own SUVs when I talk to my followers in Detroit, MI, Teresa owns SUVs, I don't, when I talk to tree hugging followers.

I have a campaign jet that gets 1/3 mpg, which is great fuel efficiency.

I am against making military service an issue in presidential elections. I defended a draft dodger Clinton and stated that all serve in their own capacity whether they draft dodge or not. Did I mention, I served in Vietnam and am a hero? Are you questioning my patriotism? I served in Vietnam. My opponent didn't. I have three purple hearts! I am a hero. I am qualified to run this country since I served.

I am John Kerry.
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Old 08-26-2004, 03:49 PM   #2
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2:
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Old 08-26-2004, 04:03 PM   #3
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hmm... wish I could see the IP addy of that poster...

pretty funny, whoever you are.
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Old 08-26-2004, 04:04 PM   #4
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its probably Brent, but funny whom ever it is
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Old 08-26-2004, 04:13 PM   #5
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Virtually anyone can be a Democrat. Just simply quit
thinking and vote that way. If you want to be a GOOD
Democrat, however, there are some prerequisites you must have
first. Compare them below and see how you rate...

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a
lack of Federal funding.

2. You have to believe that the same school system
that can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow the
best qualified to teach those same kids all about sex.

3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of
law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S.
nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of Chinese communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before
Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are
less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the
earth's climate, and more affected by Americans driving SUVs'!

6. You have to believe that gender roles are
artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to be against capital punishment but
support abortion on demand.

8. You have to believe that businesses create
oppression and governments create prosperity.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about
nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more
important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe the U.S. military, not evil,
tyrannical regimes, start wars.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it
supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU
is good, because it supports certain parts of the constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but
ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and
Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than
Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are
racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is all about
"progress" and not power. She just wants to help us out
of the archaic system of governing that we've been subjected to
since our founding.

17. You have to believe that the only reason
socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is
because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe Republicans telling the
truth belong in jail, but a cheat, liar and sex offender
belongs in the White House and you would vote him back in there in a New York minute (if you could).

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades
displaying drag, transvestites and beastiality should be
constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas
should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party
funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of
the United States.

21. You have to believe that the vociferous
minorities who protest against prayer and saluting the
flag in school, the 10 commandments in court, have far more
rights than the majority who believe in God and country and
want these values to be instilled in our young children.

If you are locked in solidly to most of these
beliefs - you're gonna be a big asset to me
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Old 08-26-2004, 04:19 PM   #6
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this is funny
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Old 08-26-2004, 04:20 PM   #7
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nice. to whoever you are.
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Old 08-26-2004, 04:24 PM   #8
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Just wanted to share a wonderful letter I received from a very gracious supporter

*************************************************************

Dear Sir or Mam,

I am a senior citizen.

During the Clinton Administration, I had an extremely good and well paying job. I took numerous vacations and had vacation homes.

Since President Bush took office, I have watched my entire life change for the worse. I lost my job. I lost my two sons in that terrible Iraqi War. I lost my home. I lost my health insurance. As a matter of fact, I lost virtually everything and became homeless.

Adding insult to injury, when the authorities found me living like an animal, instead of helping me, they arrested me.

I will do anything to insure President Bush's defeat in the next election. I will do anything that Senator Kerry wants to ensure that a Democrat is back in the White House come next year.

Bush has to go.

I just thought you and your listeners would like to know how one senior citizen views the Bush Administration.

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter.


Sincerely,

Sadaam Hussein
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Old 08-26-2004, 04:33 PM   #9
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Its not me but I know who it is.

I was actually wondering when someone would sign up as him lol.

Sorry but I'm going to have to ban John Kerry
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