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Old 02-21-2009, 07:18 PM   #1
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Thumbs up The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

So tonight has been very eventful for 2 people in our shop who are designated the "*****es" of the shop... here's their stories and how we turned their night upside down....

The first:

Well, we have this guy in our shop, we call him Tweak because he's twitches constantly, he's probably the most gullable guy in our shop aside victim number 2. He went to the phone center/internet center where as the computers in the shop are limited to the pages we can goto, so we are sitting in our shops which is made out of Mobile Faclities... looks like the box off a box truck pretty much, and we connect them like legos and make buildings out of them and they are our shops....this information become important later. Well, i get the great idea to go find him in Flaks and kevlar and our rifles... we ditch teh rifle idea as we need to be able to run back fairly quickly.

Well, we get geared up me and my buddy, we walk out of the shop leaving one door unpined (pinning the door prevents it from opening) every other door is pinned shut so he can't get in. We walked in there and with a sense of urgency i tell him ""WE GOTTA GO NOW" and he's like "why?" I said "HOLY **** WE HAVE TO GO NOW!" so he's on the phone with someone tells them he's got to go and by this time we are out the door hauling *** back to our shop.

We get to our shop and get inside take off the flaks and kevlars and wait, 2 minutes later we hear him trying to open the door, and our Corporal starts to interagate him through the door while a guy outside video tapes him outside. well about 5 minutes of interrigation go by and he's starting to get scared you hear it in his voice.

we are telling him that we got a email over a opsec violation his name was dropped and what did you say over the phone. telling him that we can take him to HQ with a escort or he can tell us right now what he said. He's nervous trying to figure it out and finally he turns around and sees the camera man and you see right before he figures out whats going on the fear in his eyes of "oh **** what did i do".

come to find out he was on the phone with a college, and he was fairly pissed but all in all we got a good laugh out of it and he's finally over it and laughing at it.

NOW! for victim number 2:

DaDant will attest that in every section there is that one sorry *** **** that does nothing but complain and goto medical because he's got sand in his vagina (sorry ladies) but we found him asleep in the back of our shop so again, we pin the doors and get EVERYONE To leave the shop, we set up a camera to record the antics though, it's dark since we turned off ALL the lights but, it was worth it...

We all walk outside after setting up the camera and pick a side of the van (the mobile facility short name is Van) and surround it... one guy yells go and we beat the **** out of this sides, the doors you hear him fall back in his chair start yelling GO GO GO! he's freaking out, well hte door we ran out of I put my carabeaner in the lock part so it was locked from outside, and it's pitch black, no getting out of there... finally he figures out whats going on.

He finds a door and unpins it and comes out with this super pissed look on his face but we are all laughing our ***'s off, i mean why not laugh, it was well worth his pain and suffering for us.

so that's been my night, figured you all could find the comedy in this as well as i did sure being here makes it funnier but to read about it will hopefully give someone a laugh
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Old 02-21-2009, 07:28 PM   #2
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

Have you tried parking on an overpass at night, getting two of your battles to hold your arms, and ****ting from it? Oh it's great, especially when there's someone below.
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Old 02-21-2009, 07:31 PM   #3
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

no haven't done that, not very many over pass's... well there aren't any over passes on al asad AB
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Old 02-21-2009, 07:33 PM   #4
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

Oh. I know that happened to our truck one day in Baghdad. I thought it was hilarious, but of course the TC was pissed. We waited about two weeks after that and repaid the favor, though.
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Old 02-21-2009, 07:35 PM   #5
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

Haha, that's funny, scks to be that guy though that gets **** on haha
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Old 02-21-2009, 10:41 PM   #6
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

i've heard some of these type stories from my buddy who returned from over there a year ago..... alway some stupid fuk in every outfit man... was in 4 years, stateside and there were plenty of ******s in every section i was in
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Old 02-22-2009, 04:23 PM   #7
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

Thats awesome.
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Old 02-22-2009, 05:49 PM   #8
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

lol we have had our share of ****bags. when i was in iraq 3 days before we left we were doing change over with MWCS-38 and we were doing the shadow training so they could learn what they needed to do when we were gone.... my job teaching them was damn easy..... i sat down in my chair put on a movie. told them to watch it...and thats all they had to do unless the phone rang... so out of nowhere this WM starts kicking me. im like stop..... does it again.... ***** stop..... does it again.... do it again and see what happens..... what do you know the stupid ***** did it again... i then ordered the pfc in the shop to go get the duct tape.... hog tied her and duct taped her to a chair... lets see you kick me now..... 10 minutes later we untape her..... i get charged cause apparently its not safe to do that in country cause a bomb might fall and she would be dead lol.... oh well i told her not to kick me.!
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Old 02-22-2009, 05:53 PM   #9
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

what the ****, why the **** was she kicking you? stupid *****...i'm sorry, but any other service i'm cool with it but so far my experience with WM's aside a select... 2 which both were SNCO's (one gunny one SSGT) they are all ****ty, i mean, good people at heart yes but for what we do, they can't keep up, i remember back in school we got all kinds of ****ed up because the ONE wm couldn't PT with the rest of us so yeah life was hell. what's your rank now
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Old 02-22-2009, 06:00 PM   #10
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

cpl... i got a counseling for it lol... i dunno why she kicked me maybe she wanted the dick. she did get kinda excited when i was taping her up lol.
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Old 02-22-2009, 06:52 PM   #11
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

That reminds me...why do they knock you down a pay grade whenever you switch from Regular Army to Reserves or the Guard? That's kinda stupid if you ask me.
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Old 02-22-2009, 07:00 PM   #12
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

dunno lol. i didnt know that.
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Old 02-22-2009, 07:13 PM   #13
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

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That reminds me...why do they knock you down a pay grade whenever you switch from Regular Army to Reserves or the Guard? That's kinda stupid if you ask me.
yea but you know the old saying, the right way, the wrong way and the Army's way
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Old 02-22-2009, 07:27 PM   #14
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

it's sad i just went through my work email i have NOTHING from my command hardly... just all ME emails from notice's haha
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Old 02-22-2009, 08:34 PM   #15
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

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yea but you know the old saying, the right way, the wrong way and the Army's way
this is true, but the army's way sucks *** 99% of the time.
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Old 02-22-2009, 08:35 PM   #16
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

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this is true, but the army's way sucks *** 99% of the time.
yup.....know that first hand
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Old 02-22-2009, 08:38 PM   #17
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

haha yea, that he does... marine corp just makes us hurry up and wait.... for days
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Old 02-22-2009, 08:42 PM   #18
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

^^
gotta love the military life
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Old 02-22-2009, 08:42 PM   #19
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

Oh, the Army is just as bad. I hate sitting around waiting on orders from Lt. Col.'s that have no idea of what they're doing. That's why I suggest that NCO's should run ****.
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Old 02-22-2009, 08:43 PM   #20
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

Haha, actually the military life isn't that bad. Where else can you shoot a ma duece legally?
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Old 02-22-2009, 08:45 PM   #21
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

my dads back yard... wait... thats the M82-A1 nevermind... the military life it's self isn't bad, it's the random day by day bull**** you run into. like they rushed us to get on the plane and **** to kuwait... yeah that took us 4 hours after to take off... the rushed us all the way to kuwait.. WE GOTTA BE IN IRAQ BY TOMORROW....5 days later... Are we leaving yet? ....No... but we had to be there by 5 DAYS AGO! ...yea yea my converstion with a ssgt buddy of mine
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Old 02-22-2009, 08:49 PM   #22
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

yeah get paid 2x a month, great living conditions in the billets, loving brass who yell at your arse where else can you get all this
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Old 02-22-2009, 08:52 PM   #23
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

best thing i found when i went in was i could buy beer before 21 haha
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Old 02-22-2009, 08:53 PM   #24
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

it's funny the brass are pretty relaxed, hell i'm a PFC... 2nd award but i flipped out on a officer one day and he took it like a man and just walked away... if you can put the brass in their place they don't really say much
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Old 02-22-2009, 08:55 PM   #25
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

Haha, that's always a plus. I love being an E-4. You're not really in charge of ****, but you also don't have to do much of anything either. Thank the lord for the sham-shield.
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Old 02-22-2009, 08:56 PM   #26
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

I had an E6 when I was an E4 that was scared ****less of the Colonel. He was afraid to keep a soda on his desk afraid the damn colonel would kick his *** or something. Never bothered me... I figured that a Bird Colonel puts on his pants the same as I do...just makes more $$'s.....
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Old 02-22-2009, 08:58 PM   #27
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

Also, running a range kinda goes to my head as well, especially when i'm a safety.
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Old 02-22-2009, 08:59 PM   #28
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

yeah, thats exactly it... if you have balls put it out on the table either 1 of 2 things will happen they will respect you and walk away or else chew your ***.. so either way, someone is going to be the man in a situation... peferably you
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Old 02-22-2009, 08:59 PM   #29
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

i'm a coach, i love being a range coach, only one ON my base that is one that i know of that's a PFC haha
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Old 02-22-2009, 09:00 PM   #30
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

Quote:
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Also, running a range kinda goes to my head as well, especially when i'm a safety.
hahah word..... btw check your pm
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Old 02-22-2009, 09:04 PM   #31
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

got it and replied :Þ
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Old 02-22-2009, 09:06 PM   #32
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

oh good... keepin secerts now huh...
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Old 02-22-2009, 09:08 PM   #33
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

haha, naw, he just asked me what part of KY I was from.
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Old 02-22-2009, 09:10 PM   #34
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

hell yeah keeping secrets hahah

nah, he's from like 100 miles SE of me.....
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Old 02-22-2009, 09:12 PM   #35
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Re: The things we do in Iraq.. funny ****

i'm like 5000 miles east of you!
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