I need some relationship advice...

[Kiljosh]

Now I have always tried to keep my personal life seperate from you guys/girls but I consider you people smart, not some site full of 12yr old trolls, so I need some advice.

If you don't have anything to say then don't, I don't need to hear shit from anyone on this.

Im only 21, I've been dating my ex for the past 4 months. We broke up 2 years ago because she was a cokehead and was bi-polar. She has cleaned up and is now a little more baseline, easier to get along with. I have always loved her, never stopped once we broke up. When I say love I mean I could marry this girl, and Im only 21 as is she. She and me are similair in so many ways I think we are twins sometimes. Im never bored around her.

At 4 months into this, I think we both are on the same page. I have told her my feelings about her and that I could see us being together for a long time and she seems to agree. Its just that she doesnt have many straight girl friends. I can think of maybe 2. She is bi, I have witnessed truth to this claim. But she has a lot more guy friends then girls. They are all interested in her I know, I can tell by the way they talk to me and look at her that they are jealous of what we have.

I do trust her but lately she seems like she is getting a little bored of us. I dont want her to start thinking she was having more fun when we werent going out, just friends. I can't hang out with her guy friends and her without wanting to punch them in the face because they flirt hard. I have had trust issues with everyone I know, I don't trust my own friends because all of them have turned to junkies. i seem to be the only one with a brain anymore as my two best friends have fallen to heroin and crack addictions. So I can't hang out with them anymore. I quit smoking weed for her, sober for a month now. Its nice, I have memory and energy now.

So basically I don't know what to do anymore. I like her girl friends, she has told me many times she would much rather be with me than any girl on the planet, she is biased towards guys much more than girls. But I can tell she is getting bored and im getting more and more paranoid she is going to find someone with a more exciting lifestyle.

So I need some advice on things I can do to spice it up. I took her out on her birthday to a nice restaurant, wrote a poem for her, and gave her a ton of thoughtful presents. But thats like all we do. We go out to eat, goto the movies, we go swimming at the college, goto the gym together, and go drinking at the bar every wednesday(dollar pitchers aw yea). Shes not a very active girl, so she doesnt really ever want to do anything else besides those and hang out at my house and sleep over.

So what the hell am I supposed to do when she seems like shes getting bored but everytime I bring up something new shes not really up for it. We are both broke so budget isn't real big. i dunno gimme your thoughts.

[meteorachick]

thats a tough one, but it almost seems that it could be the bi-polar playing an effect in it. think about it, one with bi-polar goes through manic stages, either very very active to not active at all. their personalities can change at the drop of a hat. another part of this is that they become almost bored with the ordinary--its part of the manic...if there is not some sort of excitement or drama, it doesn't feed the disorder.

its hard to tell ya what to do, best thing is to talk to her about how you are feeling.

[Herbstang]

Sounds like your doing everything right Is she really bored ?? or are you just a little touchy that she may get bored ? But here's a few ideas


Have one evening a week when the TV stays off and you sit together and talk.
Start every day with a kiss.
End every day with a kiss.
Spend the afternoon at a lake skipping stones in your bare feet.
Pack a picnic lunch and go to the park.
Take a long walk in the mountains.
Read a book together. Take turns reading it out loud.
Run your fingers through your partner's hair and speak softly to them while they fall asleep.
Surprise her with a dozen romantic E-cards.
Hold hands.
Take a long bubble bath together.
Leave a trail of rose petals from the door to your bedroom for your her to follow when they come in from work.
Surprise your partner with a hug from behind while they are busy doing something.
Kiss them when they are in the middle of a sentence.
Write I Love You on a piece of paper and put it in their pants pocket while they are taking a shower. They'll be sure to think of you later that day.
Speak softly and kindly when she's is having a bad day.
Take a long drive in the country.

[Seph]

I'd start surprising her. Proflowers.com ftw imo.

As for the guy friends, I too had the same sort of problem. All the guy friends my girl friend had were interested in her. Fortunately, she picks up on the flirty comments they used to make and after they made any type of little comment like that she immediately stopped talking with them or hanging out with them.

She's just got a mind set where "Patrick is the guy I want to be with" so if anyone comes up like that she immediately drops them. This one guy always wanted to go out with her so he'd call her from time to time but she knew he liked her. She hasn't talked to him in about a year or two, and they used to be pretty good friends.

I dunno, it might be best if you sit down and talk with her about it. Tell her you don't like how the guys talk to you and act like it's okay to flirt with her. She'll probably say she knows they are harmless, but telling them to stop and continuing to allow that behavior are two different things. This one guy used to flirt with my girl, so she asked me to come to work one day to say Hi and scare the shit out of the guy. He made a little comment about how nice my girl looked and I glared at him and didn't say a word. He avoided eye contact the rest of the day and shut the hell up. (Height difference also played a big part, me 6'2 and him 5'7)

Normally intimidation works for me, but my girl friend also told me she didn't like how some of my girl friends are around me and she gets nervous about the same thing. So, really, the main thing is to talk it out. Make sure the other person knows how you feel about it so when the situation occurs, they know what it might have in affect towards the other person.

Best of luck to you though, women are confusing as fuck.

[MonteCitan]

Not bashing or anything but something to think about

My best friend had married a bi-polar gal with previous drug addictions, she cleaned up her act, etc and had been fine for a year or two after their marriage.. then things went downhill she got addicted to meth/crack/etc cleaned out his bank account and then some, screwed him and their two kids over... and overall not a good deal at all... Really not saying your gal would be like that but my friend did not think his would be either..

[rydog]

Yea I got the whole bbi-polar thing down pat my wife of five years has just been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder about 3 months ago. it has been a hard five years she would do kinda the same thing go through months of depression and stuff would get old to her very quick and she would need something or need to do something new all the time. Not trying to be nosy but is she taking anything my wife just started new meds and shes alot easier to get along with now (not AS moody, depressed etc.)

we make sure we go out just the two of us at least once a week to spend time
I usually send her flowers unexpectedly about once a month
we go to the movies about once every two weeks

But yea some of the things Herb said are pretty good
picnic in the park etc

BTW the trail of roses thing works really good

[dark]

make the sex life more interesting... practice your tongue work, break out some sex toys, whatever it takes to invigorate things

a so-so sex life is the #1 thing that leads to cheating and/or break-ups

[SpectorV]

do you want to spend the rest of your life dealing with someone else's problems or do you want to be with someone that doesn't have those problems. We all have to deal with issues no matter what its just something you have to think about~ is it really worth it to deal with the issues at hand or find someone else... dont let love blind you to the reality of the situation... deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone that you dont get alone with or that you have to spend a ton of effort to be with is not a sound decision.

Also if you say you are bored doing the same things... thats life get used to it... thats how it is so learn to live with it.

[wiarumas]

Quote: Originally Posted by Kiljosh So I need some advice on things I can do to spice it up. I took her out on her birthday to a nice restaurant, wrote a poem for her, and gave her a ton of thoughtful presents. But thats like all we do.

there is your problem right there! have you tried being a dick to her? she might dig it. haha jk.

honestly tho, just be yourself.. whatever you do, do NOT panic and become weird. that will probably make things worse. i know guys and/or girls sometimes try to win back their bf/gf by trying extra hard... but it just comes off creepy sometimes.

i say just go with the flow of things.. if it dont work out.. your only 21! i know its the last thing you want to hear, but even though you love her.. you are unhappy. you could be unhappy for the rest of your life.

good luck.

[Herbstang]

Quote: Originally Posted by MonteCitan Not bashing or anything but something to think about My best friend had married a bi-polar gal with previous drug addictions, she cleaned up her act, etc and had been fine for a year or two after their marriage.. then things went downhill she got addicted to meth/crack/etc cleaned out his bank account and then some, screwed him and their two kids over... and overall not a good deal at all... Really not saying your gal would be like that but my friend did not think his would be either..

Not true in ever case!!!!!! My girl friend was a herion fiend when I meet her. I helped her clean up and 6 years later all is good,hell better then good .
It all depends on the person,She wanted to get clean and have a good life and I support her thru the tough time. I always knew there be a chance she might fuckup and go back to drugs But she didn't and like I said life is good

[Kyle]

well, she's bi right? so maybe you can try to get some 3-ways out of this deal.

it doesnt matter if those dudes flirt with you gf, all that matters is if you gf flirts back. if she does, you might want to take a step back and reevaluate the situation. just ask her straight up if she's bored with the relationship. sometimes no matter how strongly you feel towards another, it may just be that its not meant to be. and if you force it, it will just lead to more problems

i think you should evaluate the situation without incorporating any feelings. just look at the facts and all angles of the relationship. you can make better decisions that way when feelings arent involved b/c you will not be swayed one way or the other. if youre like me and have gotten fucked over as well as fucked up relationships, not incorporating feelings into decisions isnt very hard.

[PureVenom]

Quote: Originally Posted by Kyle well, she's bi right? so maybe you can try to get some 3-ways out of this deal. it doesnt matter if those dudes flirt with you gf, all that matters is if you gf flirts back. if she does, you might want to take a step back and reevaluate the situation. just ask her straight up if she's bored with the relationship. sometimes no matter how strongly you feel towards another, it may just be that its not meant to be. and if you force it, it will just lead to more problems

Damn kyle...that is so deep...and was just what I was going to post up.

A lot of people get very upset when a dude flirts with his woman. For those people, it is a great idea not to hang around me when they are with their woman. However, flirting is nothing. Flirting is nothing more than looking with words. Do you get pissed when other dudes check out your woman? Well, flirting is nothing more than them checking her out.

Hell, even if she flirts back, as long as she is coming home with you, that is all that matters. Not a lot of guys can handle their chick flirting with other guys, and that is much more understandable than the reverse. However, flirting is nothing more than innocent words. It is when they act on those words that should send you over the edge.

In the mean time, don't worry about flirting. I know that is easier said than done, however, as long as she is coming home with you, it doesn't matter what kind of words come out of someones mouth. In the end, actions are much louder than words.

As for what else you should do, do not, by any means, try to move on to the next step...marriage. 4 months is no where near long enough to know for sure if things have a shot. Even now you are saying things are starting to go stagnant. It's only been 4 months...so just imagine 2 years.

Stick it out for a while. Talk with her. See what she is thinking. See if she thinks things are getting routine. Ask her what she wants. Get inside her head a little bit. And work on your view point of flirting. If you can fix that, you will prevent a lot of stress in the future...whether it is with her or not.

[lowflyn]

The easiest way to solve something like this is to just talk to her...I'm not necessarily the best at this, but it works. Get your ideas and thoughts out and see how she responds.

[Kiljosh]

well I had a long conversation with her last night outside the bar and I found out some damn good news. Me and her feel the same way. She told me she has had dreams of me and her being together only in the dream we are alot older. Also that she thought that Ive been getting bored lately and she was trying to spice things up. She was very cheerful all night after this convo so it paid off.

And seph, she is one of those girls that says she can handle herself. I have gotten in a fight already because 2 weeks ago a guy came up and grabbed her ass at the bar, well i saw the whole thing. Naturally with about 6 shots under my belt I had a short fuse and came over, shoved him, and clocked him in the jaw. We got tossed out and had to go elsewhere. Actually got in trouble for defending her, she said she could have handled it. Which puts a whole new spin on the situation because I have to let her handle erself but be there if she needs me, all while keeping my cool when that shit happens.

Herb, your tips worked man haha. I gave her a massage last night when we got home and as she was falling asleep whispered in her ear. This morning she woke me up by jumping on top of me and general excitement ensued. So thanks

Dark, sex life is fine. I always make sure we are both satisfied, usually she is before I am if you know what I mean. A little tongue in the beginning goes along way. You don't need to have godlike stamina to satisfy a woman. Just gotta know how to move and where to touch...

Purevenom, that is basically the same advice an old timer gave me last night before I talked to her about everything. Kinda ironic I dunno haha. But yea, we actually have about 10months of dating behind us if you count our first time through. This is why I love her so much because really its the only girl Ive been able to go BACK out with and have a long term relationship with, if you consider 6 months long term. And its not that I want to marry her now, but we both have agreed that we dont want that type of life for atleast 3 to 4 years. She doesnt want to have kids till shes 30!

I just want you all to know I appreciate the advice and Im not sure whats going to happen but Im going to heed it and hopefully keep this girl. Thanks all

[Herbstang]

Glad I could be of help !!! Just hang tough and stay strong Bro

Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile

[Kyle]

Quote: Originally Posted by PureVenom Damn kyle...that is so deep...

of course it is, cuz i said it