The things we do in Iraq.. funny shit

[USMC Roush]

So tonight has been very eventful for 2 people in our shop who are designated the "bitches" of the shop... here's their stories and how we turned their night upside down....

The first:

Well, we have this guy in our shop, we call him Tweak because he's twitches constantly, he's probably the most gullable guy in our shop aside victim number 2. He went to the phone center/internet center where as the computers in the shop are limited to the pages we can goto, so we are sitting in our shops which is made out of Mobile Faclities... looks like the box off a box truck pretty much, and we connect them like legos and make buildings out of them and they are our shops....this information become important later. Well, i get the great idea to go find him in Flaks and kevlar and our rifles... we ditch teh rifle idea as we need to be able to run back fairly quickly.

Well, we get geared up me and my buddy, we walk out of the shop leaving one door unpined (pinning the door prevents it from opening) every other door is pinned shut so he can't get in. We walked in there and with a sense of urgency i tell him ""WE GOTTA GO NOW" and he's like "why?" I said "HOLY SHIT WE HAVE TO GO NOW!" so he's on the phone with someone tells them he's got to go and by this time we are out the door hauling ass back to our shop.

We get to our shop and get inside take off the flaks and kevlars and wait, 2 minutes later we hear him trying to open the door, and our Corporal starts to interagate him through the door while a guy outside video tapes him outside. well about 5 minutes of interrigation go by and he's starting to get scared you hear it in his voice.

we are telling him that we got a email over a opsec violation his name was dropped and what did you say over the phone. telling him that we can take him to HQ with a escort or he can tell us right now what he said. He's nervous trying to figure it out and finally he turns around and sees the camera man and you see right before he figures out whats going on the fear in his eyes of "oh fuck what did i do".

come to find out he was on the phone with a college, and he was fairly pissed but all in all we got a good laugh out of it and he's finally over it and laughing at it.

NOW! for victim number 2:

DaDant will attest that in every section there is that one sorry ass fuck that does nothing but complain and goto medical because he's got sand in his vagina (sorry ladies) but we found him asleep in the back of our shop so again, we pin the doors and get EVERYONE To leave the shop, we set up a camera to record the antics though, it's dark since we turned off ALL the lights but, it was worth it...

We all walk outside after setting up the camera and pick a side of the van (the mobile facility short name is Van) and surround it... one guy yells go and we beat the shit out of this sides, the doors you hear him fall back in his chair start yelling GO GO GO! he's freaking out, well hte door we ran out of I put my carabeaner in the lock part so it was locked from outside, and it's pitch black, no getting out of there... finally he figures out whats going on.

He finds a door and unpins it and comes out with this super pissed look on his face but we are all laughing our ass's off, i mean why not laugh, it was well worth his pain and suffering for us.

so that's been my night, figured you all could find the comedy in this as well as i did sure being here makes it funnier but to read about it will hopefully give someone a laugh

[19Delta]

Have you tried parking on an overpass at night, getting two of your battles to hold your arms, and shitting from it? Oh it's great, especially when there's someone below.

[USMC Roush]

no haven't done that, not very many over pass's... well there aren't any over passes on al asad AB

[19Delta]

Oh. I know that happened to our truck one day in Baghdad. I thought it was hilarious, but of course the TC was pissed. We waited about two weeks after that and repaid the favor, though.

[USMC Roush]

Haha, that's funny, scks to be that guy though that gets shit on haha

[mybrosride]

i've heard some of these type stories from my buddy who returned from over there a year ago..... alway some stupid fuk in every outfit man... was in 4 years, stateside and there were plenty of douches in every section i was in

[1234]

Thats awesome.

[DaDant!]

lol we have had our share of Shitbags. when i was in iraq 3 days before we left we were doing change over with MWCS-38 and we were doing the shadow training so they could learn what they needed to do when we were gone.... my job teaching them was damn easy..... i sat down in my chair put on a movie. told them to watch it...and thats all they had to do unless the phone rang... so out of nowhere this WM starts kicking me. im like stop..... does it again.... bitch stop..... does it again.... do it again and see what happens..... what do you know the stupid bitch did it again... i then ordered the pfc in the shop to go get the duct tape.... hog tied her and duct taped her to a chair... lets see you kick me now..... 10 minutes later we untape her..... i get charged cause apparently its not safe to do that in country cause a bomb might fall and she would be dead lol.... oh well i told her not to kick me.!

[USMC Roush]

what the fuck, why the fuck was she kicking you? stupid bitch...i'm sorry, but any other service i'm cool with it but so far my experience with WM's aside a select... 2 which both were SNCO's (one gunny one SSGT) they are all shitty, i mean, good people at heart yes but for what we do, they can't keep up, i remember back in school we got all kinds of fucked up because the ONE wm couldn't PT with the rest of us so yeah life was hell. what's your rank now

[DaDant!]

cpl... i got a counseling for it lol... i dunno why she kicked me maybe she wanted the dick. she did get kinda excited when i was taping her up lol.

[19Delta]

That reminds me...why do they knock you down a pay grade whenever you switch from Regular Army to Reserves or the Guard? That's kinda stupid if you ask me.

[DaDant!]

dunno lol. i didnt know that.

[mybrosride]

Quote: Originally Posted by 19Delta That reminds me...why do they knock you down a pay grade whenever you switch from Regular Army to Reserves or the Guard? That's kinda stupid if you ask me.

yea but you know the old saying, the right way, the wrong way and the Army's way

[USMC Roush]

it's sad i just went through my work email i have NOTHING from my command hardly... just all ME emails from notice's haha

[19Delta]

Quote: Originally Posted by mybrosride yea but you know the old saying, the right way, the wrong way and the Army's way

this is true, but the army's way sucks ass 99% of the time.

[mybrosride]

Quote: Originally Posted by 19Delta this is true, but the army's way sucks ass 99% of the time.

yup.....know that first hand

[USMC Roush]

haha yea, that he does... marine corp just makes us hurry up and wait.... for days

[mybrosride]

^^
gotta love the military life

[19Delta]

Oh, the Army is just as bad. I hate sitting around waiting on orders from Lt. Col.'s that have no idea of what they're doing. That's why I suggest that NCO's should run shit.

[19Delta]

Haha, actually the military life isn't that bad. Where else can you shoot a ma duece legally?

[USMC Roush]

my dads back yard... wait... thats the M82-A1 nevermind... the military life it's self isn't bad, it's the random day by day bullshit you run into. like they rushed us to get on the plane and shit to kuwait... yeah that took us 4 hours after to take off... the rushed us all the way to kuwait.. WE GOTTA BE IN IRAQ BY TOMORROW....5 days later... Are we leaving yet? ....No... but we had to be there by 5 DAYS AGO! ...yea yea my converstion with a ssgt buddy of mine

[mybrosride]

yeah get paid 2x a month, great living conditions in the billets, loving brass who yell at your arse where else can you get all this

[mybrosride]

best thing i found when i went in was i could buy beer before 21 haha

[USMC Roush]

it's funny the brass are pretty relaxed, hell i'm a PFC... 2nd award but i flipped out on a officer one day and he took it like a man and just walked away... if you can put the brass in their place they don't really say much

[19Delta]

Haha, that's always a plus. I love being an E-4. You're not really in charge of shit, but you also don't have to do much of anything either. Thank the lord for the sham-shield.

[mybrosride]

I had an E6 when I was an E4 that was scared shitless of the Colonel. He was afraid to keep a soda on his desk afraid the damn colonel would kick his ass or something. Never bothered me... I figured that a Bird Colonel puts on his pants the same as I do...just makes more $$'s.....

[19Delta]

Also, running a range kinda goes to my head as well, especially when i'm a safety.

[USMC Roush]

yeah, thats exactly it... if you have balls put it out on the table either 1 of 2 things will happen they will respect you and walk away or else chew your ass.. so either way, someone is going to be the man in a situation... peferably you

[USMC Roush]

i'm a coach, i love being a range coach, only one ON my base that is one that i know of that's a PFC haha

[mybrosride]

Quote: Originally Posted by 19Delta Also, running a range kinda goes to my head as well, especially when i'm a safety.

hahah word..... btw check your pm

[19Delta]

got it and replied :Þ

[USMC Roush]

oh good... keepin secerts now huh...

[19Delta]

haha, naw, he just asked me what part of KY I was from.

[mybrosride]

hell yeah keeping secrets hahah

nah, he's from like 100 miles SE of me.....

[USMC Roush]

i'm like 5000 miles east of you!