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I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.
 

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As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.
 

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Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.
 

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If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
 

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Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer
 

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Discussion Starter #9
The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge of the watering hole and started to drink. But then he looked around and saw skulls and bones everywhere. "Uh-oh," he thought. "This watering hole is reserved for skeletons
 

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Discussion Starter #10
If you get invited to your first orgy, don't just show up nude. That's a common mistake. You have to let nudity "happen."
 

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Discussion Starter #11
When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns
 

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Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd look out your little window and think, "Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in that
 

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Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like a regular window.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Folks still remember the day ole Bob Riley came bouncing down that dirt road in his pickup. Pretty soon, it was bouncing higher and higher. The tires popped, and the shocks broke, but that truck kept bouncing. Some say it bounced clean over the moon, but whoever says that is a goddamn liar
 

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Tonight, when we were eating dinner, Marta said something that really knocked me for a loop. She said, "I love carrots." "Good," I said as I gritted my teeth real hard. "Then maybe you and carrots would like to go into the bedroom and have sex!" They didn't, but maybe they will sometime, and I can watch.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little
bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
 

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Discussion Starter #19
OK. ... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and
the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the
Tennessee Titans?
 
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