[wylingford]

I am going to try to explain this the best I can. Before my husband and I got together, He lost his Licince for a drunk driving. ( I know its stupid Dont need to hear about that part of it tho lol) Okay so.

We got together and we were dating for a while. Some time during that period he says he has a Car. Its a Mustang I dont know much about it but value is about 9,000. So we have dated for a while, It comes up a few more times in passing conversation. We get engaged and I get pregnant. I ask him if he would be able to sell the car because we are getting married, having a baby, and it would be nice to have extra money. He says, its his dream car ext. OKAY. I let it go. We have the baby.. I said. I have never seen this car and he says its at his friends. Thinking of the car later that day I call and get insurance quotes. I realize with his history we could never afford to even insure this car. So I ask again about selling, He says" Its primer Grey color." I would only get like half of what its worth. It needs to be painted. So being the good wife I am, I save money to get his car painted for him. So now when he sells he can get all that its worth. So now when I tell him this... THERE IS NO CAR, NEVER WAS. K? I asked him why he lied to me and he says He didnt want me to think he was a loser well we were dating. Then when things got serious after we were dating and married he didnt want me to think he was a liar. He just figured this lie would fade away and no one would get hurt. He has never lied to me before or after this. He is a great husband and an even better Father. Should I be upset about this? I keep letting it bother me, when it reality it was such a dumb lie its no big deal?

 

[eljin]

dont let it bother u, he was just trying to get u to like him even more and it would annoy me too but u cant let it bother u, but u can give him a guilt trip on it becus u saved up money and all.
Good Luck. =]

 

[llevelys]

This is a silly lie that backfired on him. I think he's spent a long time regretting the spur of the moment decision to tell you had a car, to impress you!

But don't let it bother you. We all say silly things. Some of us (like him) are unlucky enough to then have to say a lot more silly things to cover up our initial silliness.

He sounds like a good man. One tiny slip doesn't undo all that.

 

[imported_Wallace]

wow to much

 

[napier29]

well, that's the only lie you have caught so far.
what else is he lying about?
and if a mustang worth 9k is his dream car, you should have known right there that he's a loser.

 

[ferrant]

I would forgive him, but remember that everyone has the capacity to lie. We all make mistakes, believe me this is small potatos

 

[lucca]

Let this one go. He thought it was an innocent lie. Just let him know you value honesty and not to lie to you ever again.

 

[wit]

It was a dumb decision when he was initially dating you, and even dumber not to tell you the truth later on. But if I were you, I'd just drop it.

 

[fuller]

Yes you should be upset. He carried on a lie about a car and expected you to be an idiot and never find out about a CAR...what else is he lying about....you have to wonder....

 

[Devyn]

He shouldn't have lied but you should have left the matter alone back in the beginning. There was no reason other than selfishness which made you keep prodding at this subject. And you can dress it up any way that you want, but it was selfishness on your part. You wanted the money that you thought the car could bring, damn whatever your husband said he wanted. The lie escalated because you couldn't let go of wanting that money no matter what he said, and not because you were trying to be a good wife. A good wife would have let him do as he pleased with the car he said he had instead of trying to control the issue.


I don't like people lying to me, either, but I also don't like people meddling in my affairs. The only reason you had for pressing the issue of the car after his first lie is what I stated above, which isn't a good reason. Anything else you say is just a way of excusing that, whether you see that or wish to admit it. The two of you being married doesn't mean you get to decide what gets done with his possessions, nor he with yours.


What it comes down to is that the lie (which he thought was innocent but shouldn't have told in the first place) escalated because you couldn't drop the issue and he felt badly about telling it in the first place. He tried to further lie in a manner in which he thought would cause you to drop the matter, but you insisted on not letting it go. So just let it go now. Chalk it up to nonsense and regret. Be hurt that he lied to you, but be thankful it wasn't for something which could have been destructive.

BTW You were acting on the assumption he was telling the truth. If he was telling you this was his dream car and that he had invested as much into it as he said, then why would you even think about getting rid of it? So what if it would take to 2013 to get it in shape at the rate he was going? You'd be getting rid of his dream, and that would have likely been the only other dream he had besides being with you? And that it would take a long time would mean he would have something to hold onto. This is something you should consider.

 

[derik]

yes he lied, but let it go!
don't get me wrong but I think there is some your fault too... It looked suspicious that he was so happy about the car but never showed, stupid excuses - and you were kind of naive and believed him....
tell him that if he is going to lie to you again it would be bigger issue, ask him if there is anything else what he wants to tell you, and let it go
good luck

 

[colbert31]

So by his logic, if you never find out, you never get hurt? Yeah, he is a loser. I'd rather date a guy without a car than a liar. Sadly, you got both.

 

[ramzi]

I've done this so many times! I claimed I had a motorcycle to one of my girlfriends, we were dating a bit long distance at first. Lord, I said I selled it and thought I'd get away with it! luckly we didn't get TOO close, but things like that happen alot, Alot of guys would want to impress someone like that..

But look at it this way.

He wanted to impress YOU.. Because he wanted YOU, don't you think that is a little sweet?

 

[kealy]

Your husbands reasons for telling and continuing with this lie seem plausible. As you said - he is a good husband. I would make sure he had come clean on any other little lies that he might have spun and let it go. Just think what you can do with the money you saved for the paint job!

 

[sowingwa]

Well, I have to tell you something.

When my husband and I first started dating, I lied to him about something -- the number of men I'd slept with. He had slept with 12 people when we met. I had slept with more than that, but I didn't want him to think I was easy or a sl*t so I lied, and said I had only been with 13, when in fact I had been with closer to 20. (I know, a stupid lie because the actual number is hardly any more than what I had claimed!)


Anyway, it was dropped after that. It came up once again after we were engaged, and I thought "I should tell the truth -- but if I do, he'll think I'm a liar now and won't trust me!" So, I just held onto the lie and told the same story. I was no longer concerned with what he thought of me -- I knew at that point my "number" wouldn't bother him, but the lie would.

Recently, after 2 years of marriage and knowing how close we've become, the lie was eating away at me and bothering me very much. I came clean and told him the truth. He laughed at me for being so silly as to lie in the first place. He was a little hurt that I'd held onto the lie rather than come clean and tell him the truth, but he understood why I'd do it.

Anyway, I can see where your husband is coming from in a way. He lied in the first place to impress you -- didn't want you to think he was a loser (much like I didn't want my boyfriend to think I was a sl*t.) Then, as time went on and it came up again, he decided "Oh crap, if I tell her the truth now she'll think I'm a liar -- this is no good!" So, in a way, he was doing it to protect your feelings.

I still think you have reason to be upset because it got carried on SO long and through so many conversations, but I don't think you should necessarily worry about him lying about other things. I haven't lied to my husband about anything else in our entire relationship, and I never will -- we are very close and honest with one another.

Try to let go of the resentment, and tell him to never lie again. Inform him that if he lies to you again, the trust will be broken and the relationship will not fare well with no trust.

Good luck.