[thormond]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 7 years. He is very generous, and sometimes to a fault. We have 2 homes, both in my name. Since we moved to our second home, he has started giving away things from my first home, to his friends and family without consulting me. First it was my wood stove. Granted, we pulled out the stove because we are renting the house, and didn't want renters possibly burning it down. But, I planned on putting it back in when we sold it, or if we moved back in at a later date. Now he has given away the hot tub, which did need some repair, but it was in working order. Before that, he gave away an old car that belonged to me, to his brother. He did not consult me on any of this, and when I got angry at him, he acted indigent. He doesn't ask me first, he tells them they can have it, then tells me in front of them, so I feel like I can't say no without looking like the bad guy.
I don't have a problem with bartering, we need work done on our rental, but he's just giving the stuff away. And none of it belonged to him, it was mine, which I paid for.
He has plenty of things of his own he could give away, to name a few, an old RV, a mustang without a motor, golf clubs which he doesn't golf, and an old Honda Prelude sitting in our garage. But he doesn't want to "part" with his stuff. He has a tendency to try to be the hero all the time, at my expense.
Am I making a big deal out of this, or am I justified at being upset? How do I handle this without him getting defensive?

 

[bellden]

I think you have every right to be upset . These are things that did not belong to him and he did not take into consideration how you would feel if he just gave them away .
I would first sit him down and talk to him and let him know that you are glad that he has such a big heart but in the process of him being so generous he is hurting you by not talking to you about it first .
And ask him to please start talking to you about this first before giving some thing away . Let him know that if he wants to give his things away then he can , but if it belongs to you and he knows this then ask you first . If there is some thing that he's not sure about who it belongs to , to please discuss it with you first .
After you talk to him and things still do not change , get some thing of his that you know would upset him if it was suddenly gone and hide it .
When he ask you about it tell him " oh I gave it away , why ? "
Let him have a hissy fit over it . After a couple of days , give it back to him and then ask him how he felt knowing that you had gave it away .... supposedly . Then let him know that that is how you feel each time he gives some thing of yours away .
If all of this fails then you will have to ask yourself if this is some thing that you can continue to live with .
Good luck .

 

[cipriano]

Of course you have a right to be upset! Just tell him how disrespectful it is that he giving away your things, and that he can't do it again without consulting you first. It doesn't matter if he gets defensive, you are absolutely right here; he has no right to give away your things.

 

[Kilian]

If you bought the items he is giving away with your own money, you have every right to be upset. Tell him no more. If he gets upset, he'll get over it. Go ahead and make a big deal out it. He is wrong and needs to stop.r