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Dear Mr. ______ : [real name hidden to protect his identity]

I regret to inform you that I am resigning from my position as Official Office Pencil Sharpener Who Refills Coffee Mugs and Abuses the Copy Machine. It has been a great 5 days with this company, but as you know, my AA meetings are getting in the way of working here full-time, as is my part-time job as a Hooters girl. I am also very forlorn, agitated and aggressively upset that I am no longer able to drink rum and Diet Coke whilst on the job, because the cheapo guy who works in supply thought it was such a great idea to buy Sam's Club brand instead of Diet Coke instead.
But don't worrry. I got him back by leaving a giant pile of donkey doo on the front seat of his convertible Mustang.
And my mother told me that having a pet donkey was not a good idea. Boy, was she ever wrong!
Adieu ...... adios ..... and farewell.

Sincerely,
Wonder Cat: ______ [real name hidden to protect my identity]
*shed a lone tear*
 

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Dear Wonder Cat: ______,[real name hidden to protect your identity]

Thank you for your letter of resignation, which I received today.

I am very sorry that your employment with Sausage-Stuffers-R-Us did not work out as intended. Your service has been much appreciated. I was personally gratified to discover how worn down your gag reflexes were.

The team here will always remember and appreciate your time here. Your pole dances and willingness to put out in the bathrooms were the highlight of many of our days.

I wish you all the best with your new career. I know you will excel in your future pursuits - not many people can keep their ankles hooked around their ears as long as you can.

Adieu ...... adios ..... and sayonara.

Sincerely,
Mr. ______ : [real name hidden to protect my identity]

PS: I'll give you a dollar if you sit under my desk for the rest of the day.
 

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No try this website...


Letter of Resignation - Writing Resignation Letters
How to Write a Letter of Resignation
By Alison Doyle, About.com

When writing a letter of resignation, it's important to keep your resignation letter as simple, brief, and focused as possible. It should also be positive.
 

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I'd also tell him about the lawsuit you're filing caused by the unavailability of sausage and donuts in the cafeteria. Thus causing deep mental and soul rending torment leading to the loss of your hair. Then throw your lovely wig at him and storm out.
 

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Milly must not have seen the part where you mention your job at Hooters. Unemployed indeed!

I can't believe you're quitting your job at the sausage factory.

*schlongs for your pain to ease*
*schlongs for better days*
 

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Did you make a copy of Wonder's heiney whilst abusing the copy machine? That's a good "ending" to a work relationship.


*passes gasses*
 

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just don't forget to fill your bag with all the office supplies you can carry on your way out the door. you can never have too many pencils.
 

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You need to include your last official day "on" the job.

I'm hiring - when are you available? Sounds like you are more professional than some of the clods in my office.
 

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Why don't you just make a copy of your butt and sign it with a little X that marks where he's suppose to kiss it?
 
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